Things never. EVER. stay good for very long in my life. For the past couple of months, I've been in and out of the emergency room for a couple different reasons. The first was a kidney infection that started to spread because I was given the incorrect antibiotics to fight it. The second turned out to be colitis. I can no longer eat the foods that I love (including all dairy products, dark meats, and friends foods). I guess the only silver lining there is that I'm basically forced to eat healthy and lose weight. It's just such a big change to adjust to. After I started to get over those things and get used to them, I found out that my aunt has stage four cancer all throughout her body. That's what took my Grandpa's life in 2013 and I'm STILL not dealing with that well. I miss him every. single. day. I can't think about him without crying, I love him so much. I've always been close to my aunt, I'm not ready for this. She will have longer with us than my Grandpa did because he was too weak by the time they diagnosed him to receive any treatment. But it's still hard knowing that her time is so limited, I can't ignore it. Her only son is grown, graduated, and moved out, and so it's just been her and my uncle (who loves her very much) and I can't stand the thought of him being alone. My other aunt lives on her own now because she lived with my Grandpa her entire life, keeping him company and bringing home the bacon. They were an unstoppable duo. She's like a second mother to me, so the thought of her being alone now after all that time kills me. I don't want my uncle to have to go through the same thing. And my cousin (their son) has always been very close to his parents, I can't imagine how he's taking it. He just took her to a 2CELLOS concert last month. Also, today our Parish Priest collapsed during Mass and an ambulance had to come and take him. He's been very sick and dehydrated and hasn't been recovering well. He's incredibly elderly. I can't remember exactly, but if he's not in his early 90's, then he's in his very late 80's. He's always been around for me and my family, praying for us and helping us in tough situations where we don't have any food or money to get by. He's such a sweet, bright, friendly person. I can't imagine going to church and him not being there.And on top of eeeeverything else, my brother only seems to get worse, becoming more and more agressive by the day. I feel like I'm trapped inside my own life, and that's nothing you can escape. I don't WANT to die, I WANT to have a happy life on this earth. But it seems like as long as I'm me, that's damn near impossible. Nothing ever stays good. Disasterfollows me [and my family] like a shadow.

**EDIT** ALSO, the pharmacy screwed up and I can't get the refill for my Modafinil for at least a week, so I have no idea how I'm going to stay awake for work this week. This is only my second day without it and I'm already dragging. I have sleep apnea and so I never really get complete sleep cycles through the night and I need my medicine to keep me awake and productive. WHY CAN'T PEOPLE JUST DO THEIR JOOOOBS. ARGH.


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