I don’t mean to hurt myself..it’s just distracting.

now ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: Saint Bernard by Lincoln ───────────────── ◄◄⠀▐▐⠀►► 0:01 / 1:49⠀───○ 🔊

Let’s get something straight- I don’t purposefully hurt myself very often. I did it once and only once. Three separate lines on my shin. They bled a lot and didn’t hurt, but this isn’t the same thing. When I’m overly anxious, I’ll start tearing at the skin on my fingers.

I’ve heard this is common for people with anxiety, but my family just doesn’t understand that I can’t stop. They think it’s something I do on purpose and that I can just stop whenever. I do it unconsciously, and when I do, I can barely feel it until later.

Earlier today, I was in class. We had to do a group assignment, and because I can’t handle social situations, I started having a panic attack. My heart felt like it was collapsing in my chest and I started biting my nails. I ended up furiously tearing at the skin around my middle finger and now it looks mutilated. When it came time to actually do the assignment, I didn’t talk to my partner (we ended up only two of us while everyone else had three) and kept looking down while scratching deeply at my hand. When we had to move cards in a certain order, my hands were shaking so bad that I almost knocked the cards on the floor.

So, what have we learned? Self mutilation isn’t cool and I haven’t even tried to get better in that department or the intense social phobia that causes it. Until next time ♦

2 Comments
  1. plagueghost 2 months ago

    I’m sorry that you’ve been struggling with this, it sounds very painful and difficult, especially when those around you don’t understand why you’re doing it. I’ve struggled with self harm for a long time but I don’t have as much experience with compulsive self mutilation like what you’ve been dealing with. Have you talked with a therapist about this? I hope you’re able to find a way to handle it, lmk if you need to talk <3

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      canice 2 months ago

      Thank you so much. Back when I used to see my therapist, I never talked about it since I did it so rarely. It’s gotten so much more common now that I don’t have access to a therapist. I’m sorry that you’ve also dealt with self harm and I hope you’ve found ways to feel better without hurting yourself. Thank you, and ditto to you 🙂

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