I feel as though living with this mental disorder is lowering my quality of life. Having to go to school everyday with this disorder is crippling. Everything from talking to the teacher, getting called out in class, walking down the hallways, and group discussions are the worst things in the world to face with. Just the word Group discussion coming from the teacher’s mouth brings fear down my spine. I’ve lost friends to this disorder, suddenly not wanting to talk with them. Currently, the only person I feel comfortable talking with is my sister. Who, surprisingly enough, also faces with the same problem. I’ve been wondering what could’ve both made us like this, yet the answer still escapes me. Now, I feel like expressing my feelings about this would help me somehow. Hopefully.
Life wasn’t always this brutal, it all changed when my problem appeared in grade 4. In this year, my twin and my friends were all in a different class. So, I felt alone, spending my days in my own thoughts other than trying to make new friends. I think this might be part of why my Social anxiety appeared. Either way, around this time I had experienced this new thing that never happened before, when I was overwhelmed with work, I started to freak out in tears. This continued until the teacher helped me solve the problem, or I chocked myself from being out of breathe. This happens to this day, but no as frequently. This is where I think this all started. After my freak out, me and my small group of friends were ridiculed by our classmates that were with us since kindergarten. Until this day, I still feel guilty for being why we were all bullied this badly. This bullying got as bad as them wishing I wasn’t there at all, and people calling me an idiot in the hallway.
I just want a way to get rid of this anxiety I have. Posting this blog is already giving me a quickened heart rate.