Hello.  All is fine today.

I had another session with Doctor.  He was in a good mood today.  He actually made a joke.  He's so serious, normally.  We discussed my new meds change- the addition of Abilify to lower my prolactin levels and stabilize my moods, and Amantadine to quell the side effects of Abilify.  They've been fine.  I lied, though.  Well, not lied.  Just misled.  I didn't tell my doctor that I'd only taken the new meds for the first time the night before.  So I didn't know, exactly, how they'd affected me.  But I thought things were fine, so we'll see how things work out.

We also talked about my compulsive fingernail- and skin-picking.  He told me that when the need to pick strikes me, I should do one of two things.  I should either get up and fix it, if I'm doing absolutely nothing at the time, or I should make a mental note of the piece of skin or nail that's bothering me and postpone dealing with it to a more appropriate time.  We'll try it.

Also, on a bit of a more serious and depressing note, we talked about how I'd called a crisis hotline rather than talked to my parents on the night I almost…uh…hurt…myself.  He gave me three choices on what to do next time.  Either talk to my parents, talk to him, or talk to a friend. 

I don't quite know what to do with that.  I won't talk to my father- that's for sure.  My mother…maybe.  She's always so busy, and even though she tries not to betray it, I know she doesn't really have all that much time and energy to devote to me, and I know that, deep down, she's one of those who don't really understand depression and OCD.  She's one of those who try to understand, but really just think we should all "suck it up".  So maybe I'd talk to her.  Maybe not.  And a friend?  I don't want them to think I'm weird.  And my Doctor?  I just wouldn't feel right calling him up at night, saying I was depressed and needed help.  I do trust him.  But he seems so emotionless.  Everything has to follow the plan, you know?  If you feel this way, do this.  If you feel like that, do that.  Everything makes perfect sense in his office, but sometimes it doesn't translate smoothly to real life.

So I don't know who I'd talk to if I needed to.  I'd have to figure something out.  Maybe I'd come here, to talk on the Tribe.  That's better than anything else.

Anyway, I won't be blogging for a couple of weeks 'cuz my Doctor is going on vacation.  Ergo, there's no session to blog about.  Ergo.  What a lovely word.  Anyway, thanks and I'll blog again in a few weeks.  Hope everyone's doing well!   🙂  Bye!