Me, always independent, proud and strong, never needed a man to define me. How was it possible for him to break thru my protective barrier, I didn't even see him taking the barrier away,stone by stone, brick by brick, the wall that kept me safe and secure in my world. I happily allowed him to protect me, take care of me and me believing all of the promises.  Times like right now, within the walls of my home, behind closed doors where no one will see, huge tears continuously streaming down my face, Iam a devastated, sobbing, wasted woman with no hope, never ever going to pull thru this aching, broken shattered hollow hole of where my heart use to be. i ache for him, miss him terribly, the one who promised he would save me "some day". He said many many times, "I love you", "Im going to marry you, do you hear me?" With tears of joy, I replied "I know you will my white knight". His last words still radiate in my head of all he could say was "Im so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, my life is what it is and it is not going to change" Me, helpless, desperate not to lose him, I begged "please don't leave me"which quickly turned to hatred and anger. "That's all you can say??""Your sorry!!!! "Him saying I was not being fair . .. . WHAT? "Don'tyou dare tell me what is fair!" I replied. Angry Hostile words flew from my mouth to pierce him, trying to hurt him with my words in an attempt to make him hurt just a fraction of what I was feeling. 3 years lost, never to be again, and the rest of my life to be the broken woman that I am. I have no wants to find anyone new, no hope for any man to bring me any joy or hopes for the future. Broken, Shattered, Devastated, curled up in a ball in the corner praying, begging for God or someone to release me from this unbearable pain.

1 Comment
  1. visualist 10 years ago

    I am so sorry for the loss you are feeling. Allowing yourself to grieve your loss is so important.

    Kallie, please, don't let this destroy your hope in finding the right person for you. You are a young, vibrant, and articulate woman who deserves to be loved and cherished.

    Like any time one grieves, the pain will slip into the background, and you will see that the world continues. My only advice is to not let the anger consume you. You deserve so much more than that.

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