Feeling very weak right now after having three breakdowns today. I woke up feeling sad, bf kept asking questions so i said i had a nightmare that my grandma died :s last time this happened she ended up in hospital. My phone had ran out of battery soi had no way of contacting her. Walked all the way round town with bf and his dickhead pal. i tried to distract myself but i couldnt hold it in, we went for a pub lunch and i burst into tears :'( im usually really shy but when i get upset i have the sudden ability to SHOUT, i said i've gotta get out of here' 'i need to go home' nobody understood me so i just ran. got to the train station and collapsed on the platform. couldn't stop crying the whole journey..Mum picked me up from the train station the other end and i suddenly perked up abit. But i got home and fell onto my knees to cry again. ive contacted my grandma and she's fine. But i couldn't stand my bf talking like that with his mate. They were talking about 'birds' like they were a piece of meat, this made me SO angry..but i held most of my anger in at the time just kept very quiet! he kept telling me to smile but more tears just filled my eyes :s its upsetting because we were going to visit london today its just £20 for a day ticket, but he said he couldnt afford it. but today he went and spent £55 on a grey shirt!!! WTF!!! :s i hate to think what he's like to work with. my social anxiety had been awful today. its not even over yet cuz ive probably gotta talk to bf tonight and say yeah im fine. sorry about earlier…URGH i feel DREADFUL!!! :'( :'(

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