this past week has been hilasious. I am struggleing to find a job. and remain a good parent at times. It seems that when i take one step forward something happens and i end up taking two steps backwards. My 13 year old had one of her melt downs the other day and it lasted for a good hour and half.. i didnt know how to react to all that was going on because she was flying off the handle from one subject to the next. I couldnt really pin point what was really bothering her. I do know that what started it was because she was suppose to serve detention after shool that day and it seems that she ended up leaving the school when the asst princapal went to get her for detention, after that everything seemed to spiral out of control with her reactions to everything. Im alone in parenting i cant just call her father to come over and help, hes pretty much obsolete in all this. its been so rough. I dont know how to handle this sometimes. makes me feel like im not doing my best to help her to de esclate the situation. all i wanted to do was curl up in a ball and dissappear, that day i felt like being alice like alice in wonderland i could just jump down the whole because nothing there makes sense and i wouldnt have to try to make sense of anything down there.. it was a bad and rough day with my emotions… i struggle everyday to try and be happy but im not. Im not happy with anything. not happy that my child hates me or so she says, im not happy that i cant find a job. im not even happy with myself. daily struggle!!!


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