Susan's Testimony
Category: Life

* I was born in Findlay, Ohio and my first memories include praying around the dinner table every Sunday afternoon after my mother and I attended church.

* The summer before my 6th grade year, my father was transferred to Tupelo, MS with Cooper Tire.

* My mother and I began visiting churches and became active at one until my mother over heard several ladies in her Sunday School class gossiping about a fellow youth in Christ who was pregnant. Mother and I believed they should have embraced her instead of gossiping about her, so we never went back tp that church.

* Shortly after this event, a friend of mine invited me to a Christian Conference. I was saved after a prisoner shared his testimony and his faith. Over 50 youth were saved at this time. It just goes to show us that God uses our greatest weaknesses for His glory!

* All through high school, I was on fire to serve the Lord. I heard a lesson on being yoked to unbelievers, and this upset me as I was dating an atheist. So being the rebel that I was at this time, I skipped the homecoming dance and witnessed to my boyfriend and he accepted Christ!

* After I graduated High School, I moved to Hattiesburg and attended the University of Southern Miss. I had to move away from my support system of friends and family. Up to this point in my life, I never had much trouble making friends.

* I began attending the BSU and Campus Crusade, but nobody really reached out to me. I went several times, but never felt included or accepted. I honestly feel that my whole life would have resulted differently if I remained active in Church and with Christian peers.

* It was at this time that I quit filling myself with Godly things, so I became an easier target for Satan. My armor was getting weaker and weaker without my knowledge. It was also at this point that Satan got a foothold, and youll see how it led to him getting a stronghold over me.

* When I first attended college, I did not associate with those who drank, and it got to be lonely quickly. So, I decided that I would be a designated driver. It didnt take long for that to get old.

* My sophomore year of college I took my first drink. You know what they say, the more you do something, and the easier it is to do. Up to this point, I was scared to drink because my grandfather died from sclerosis of the liverand I never wanted to compromise my valuesonce again, the devil got another foothold.

* My 4th year at college, I got married to my high school sweetheart. I knew that he wasnt the man for me when he proposed, but I never had the courage to tell him until after we walked down the isle. I have learned that doing the right thing isnt usually the easy thing at the moment. However, it becomes harder to correct the later you wait to fix it!

* One year later I was divorced and it was at the same time I graduated from college. In a short period of time, I not only lost all my acquaintances from college, but I also thought that due to getting a divorce I also lost my parents approval of me.

* Due to these facts, I developed an overwhelming void inside me that needed filling. So I began to seek ways of filling the void in places that were familiarexamples include: relationships, jobs, and then I poured alcohol on top of these things, and it turned into a viscous cycle.

* Can anyone see what was missing in my life and what could have filled that void with out all the heartache? Yes, God!

* Things went from bad to worse. I started dating a guy that used physical abuse as a means of controlling me. I had mentally abused myself by thinking that I deserved the abuse because I let my parents down; when the truth of the matter wasI had let myself downand this was yet another foothold the devil got on me.

* After I got tired of this relationship, I found a man 12 years older than me. At this point in my life, I got very good at playing the victim, and this guy wanted to rescue me. Needless to say, my bad choices were causing the kayos in my life. However, I didnt want to and was not willing to take responsibility for my actions. This relationship worked out great for me, until the office staff found out that we were dating, and being that he was also my boss, I got fired.

* This all occurred during 9/11, and it was not an opportune time to find employment. As the bills got unruly, I finally broke down and called my parents. My parents agreed to let me move back with them by I had to agree to attend church with my motherand reluctantly, and out of necessity, I agreed.

* I wish I could say that everything got better at that moment, but I was still living with one foot in the World. After awhile, I met a gentleman in the singles department and on our first date he revealed that he was a recovering crack addict.

* I was trying to live better, so I sought advise from my mother. She commented that I was going to have to be strong for him, and it was at that instant that I realized that I was going to have to quit drinking. The only catch was, I didnt know how! I finally got honest with this guy and on February 4, 2003 I attended my first recovery meeting!

* I found a sponsor who walked me through the 12 steps and my life took a total turn for the better! I also began to fill my life with positive things and surrounded myself with Christian peers! They and my relationship with God helped me and still help me deal with life on lifes terms.

* My past keeps me humble! I still cant believe that I did some of the things that I used to see as acceptable behavior. The devil had a stronghold on me! The devil comes to kill steal, and destroy (John 10:10). I longed for death; he stole my joy, and destroyed my soul. I had nothing leftI was defeated! I had to admit that I was powerless, powerless over everything in my life. Once I did this one simple thing, called surrendering, I was set free!

* Let me ask you all a questionwhat in your life do you have power over? You youre honest, you'll say nothing! Because God is in control of everything! We have to submit ourselves to Him!

* While working the 5th step, I revealed the exact nature of my wrongs to myself, and someone I trusted, and my soul was lightened. I no longer had to carry the burden and weight of all my sins all by myselfand better than that, I was forgiven and didnt have to live in guilt and shame anymore! Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed (James 5:16).

* My life used to resemble a storm destroying everything in its path. It was a gradual process, but it became totally unmanageable.

* I was so selfish that I couldnt see that I was not just hurting myself, but that I was also affecting everyone else around me. During my bottom, I only looked at others to see what I could get out of themnow I try to see what I can offer them. I used to develop resentments and hostility towards othersnow I pray for them. I used to find excuses to get away from spending time from my family because they would prevent me from living out my addictionnow, I seek time to spend with them, as they are my support system and build me up. I used to be proud that I could hang with the heavy drinkersnow; I try to be an example. I pray that others will see something in me that they want, and that they will ask me how they too can have the peace and freedom that has been so freely given to me.

* Now that Ive started living for the Lord, Hes has truly been blessing me and I want to pass this hope on to others. God never let me go, even in my darkest moments. I continually pushed Him away; He still would not let me go! Roman 8:38-39 states: for I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Psalm 138:7 states: though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me! Jesus thinks this much of me, and I know that He thinks this much of you too!

* Remember, no matter what you might be going through, youre never alone! The Lord can do anything, He still works miracles, and Im living proof! Matthew 19:26 states: with man this is impossible, but with God, all things are possible.

* Thanks for letting me share!