The vitamin supplements and the relapse seem to have shaken loose the depression. I'm able to think positively now. I'm able to cut myself some slack, it's like viewing the world through a different lense.

It's scary to me now that I could get so dark, and also right now I'm not sure how much control I really had. I know CBT and positive thinking is supposed to remedy depression but I coudn't maintain a positive outlook, I couldn't get a foothold.

Now I'm experiencing some problems with the supplements though. Sometimes racing thoughts, sometimes being unable to sleep. And some anxiety. But it's easier to deal with then the pit of despair and the physical repercussions of depression are too much with the low energy and aches.

Now someone has come back into my life. I'm going to use this as an opportunity to practice forgiveness, boundaries, and I'm sure there's some opportunity for personal growth there.

I have to fight off crushes like alcohol cravings because infatuation is a drug. I don't care how charming this individual is, or even if you can hear Pete Townshend romantic comedy soundtrack in the background while we're spending time together. I'm not going to fall this time.

The supplements, although I mentioned 'racing thoughts' seem to have alleviated most of my obsessive thoughts. So right now, this seems possible.

I'm fearful about being in that trap of depression and negative cycle again and wondering if it can be avoided and if I really did anything, short of quitting drinking, to cause it. I know self pity was a big one, and perhaps I learned some lessons or skills along the way that will help me stave it off if it comes around again.

I just have to hope for the best, not fall in 'infatuation' with someone who doesn't equally feel 'infatuated' for me.

Another thing, I think the various hypnotherapy recording collection I've amassed that I listen to daily are really helping. Or I suspect their helping.