This morning I feel terrible. I feel so embarrassed at yesterday’s events. It feels like a hangover. Then there is the anger. Anger towards the two friends i considered the closest. They rejected me when i reached out for help. Then there is the loneliness. I want to speak to someone but no one pops to mind. There are several. But which one? That means i don’t have a close friend. They are all there to listen but .. why is no one contacting me? Should they not be worried? Why don’t they give me an occasional text to see how i am? Why do all my friends have the same reaction at the same time? At a crucial moment they do not reply to text messages. Now the second day of the revelation, none of them stays close. I can’t believe it. What kind of friends are they anyway? I can’t even complain to them because it is about themselves. Sighing makes me feel better. I know i can pick up the phone and ring anyone but i wish someone would ring me. I wonder how i have treated other people. Did i phone or text my friends when they wanted someone to? I wonder if i was there for my friends when they needed me. i can’t particularly think of any. The world is a lonely lonely place. We all live alone. My friends sympathise with me and feel sorry for me but after an hour passes since we hung up, they forget about me. they will tell their parents how strange i have become. They indulge in gossip. They speculate what and why i am this way. Then they get on with their lives. Turn on the tv, get dressed to meet friends for lunch, have a snooze, turn on the radio.. what do normal people do anyway?