My last story was cut off. I guess I didn't copy/paste the whole thing, or I ran out of room.
Either way I'm putting them here again. I wrote them after key moments, while coming to terms with my daughter's death.
I hope they touch someone.
PS – My girlfriend is back, a little saner, and still sober.
She celebrated one year on May 20th.
I held a child today
I stood in front of the mirror, and looked into my face;
I wondered just how far, had I fallen from Grace?
But my God is forgiving, He's loving and mild;
And today He allowed me to hold a child.
It has been so long, over two decades ago;
When I lost my child, the hardest of blows.
Then through the years of anger and ire;
Until I finally surrendered, I was just too tired.
Then turning over my will, and giving it to Him;
Was the start of the miracles; the journey begins.
But TODAY, was the day, a monumental event;
When into my arms, from Heaven was sent.
A BEAUTIFUL child, Gerber couldn't ask for more;
When I held her, I wondered, what does God have in store?
I had gone by my job, I had to see Mrs. Cook;
She had money to give me, which she took from a book.
But before she could get it, she turned and she said,
Do you mind holding her, she's already been fed.
In her hands was the daughter of their mother’s son;
"I'll take her right back, just as soon as I'm done."
I explained that it's been awhile, many years to be true;
She smiled and she said, it's easy to do.
It's like riding a bicycle, you never forget;
Now put out your arms, don’t worry, don’t fret.
Then into my arms, was placed a new life;
The last time that happened, it was done by my wife.
Her skin was like silk, her eyes soft & mild;
It'd been 20 years, since I'd held a child
As I held this infant, who smelled like milk and baby;
I thought I'd never again feel it, but now thought;
Because when I lost Joy, my heart had been broken;
And the healing before now, had been just a token.
You see healing my pain, had for so long been a goal;
But in an instant, this child, has made my heart whole.
I held a child today.
Thank you, Rootie
I've made my way, across a hot scorched prairie;
To this very spot, where I must unbury.
Memories laid to rest, that have been put into the ground;
What I had fought to untangle, I am now once again, bound.
It's rope drawn so tight, it cuts into my skin;
I might loosen it a little, but I will never win.
My burden's shouldered, and this I must carry;
As I enter the cemetery.
The memories come, I can't make them leave;
They are here to make certain, I remember to grieve.
Show's over, curtains drawn, no more acting brave;
As I slowly approach, my little girl's grave.
Now sitting beside her, telling Joy how I feel;
How can I describe it? It's feeling surreal.
Then I give her my chip, and tell her I'm trying;
I tell her everything’s great! But she knows that I'm lying.
So I cry for awhile, the father bereaved:
Then climb to my feet and get ready to leave