welp,

my mom took some sort of an interest day and asked me why im not talking to benji anymore. bc she knows how ive felt about him and its odd to her apparently that i just erased him. i honestly feel its more oh her brown nose thats curious then what really happened bc she never approved of him or cared when i said something good about him. its weird. she gets extremly moody when she drinks, sometimes she drinks an we’ll talk an she’ll basically tell me how incredible i am, but soemtimes she come homen an yell so much we’ll fight so bad, that i just want to deck her. i never do though. im not my sister i dont believe it okay to hit my mother. at this perticular moment my mom is cooking supper, which she only did bc my little brother was here, an she didnt kno he was leavin with dad. if she could have it her way, she’d send me back with my dad an move my little brother in. i could clean every day, stay organized, dress like a rich preppy girl every day , since thats what she wants, but she wouldnt notice an would never mention it till i stop, then she;ll start yelling about what a skank i am, that i dress like a bum an dont clean up after myself. i do what im supposed to i take care of a baby from 8-5. i stress an she goes out an drinks after work. you think its okay for me to do that. no. i do anyway, i get high for the same reason she drinks after work, i need a stress reliever every now and again. its tough all over.

im about to eat our supper then go see jessica. shes my ntrue therapist. she acctuially cares what i have to say and listens to me, she helps me with everything. i couldnt have asked for a better friend then her. 😀