So, after a bad fight with my boyfriend yesterday, we didn't talk at all. Till I was an idiot and when he was asleep in the afternoon, went into the room and saw he did not have a comforter on him, and I threw one on him. Then a friend of us messaged both of us on Facebook and said whether she can come here-she is dealing with a lot of things now and I liked to support her-I went to my bf who was still asleep and asked her what do I tell our friend, and he was like that's fine, tell her to come. I sent her a message back on Facebook, she did not respond, so I called her and she said she'll call me back. So, I waited and she called me back like an hour after that. Said she'll come at like around 9 pm. I did not tell to my boyfriend cause I had initiated the connection, but he had not responded, so I just did not tell him. Plus, after all, it generally does not matter to him when someone comes..I am more sensitive as to when to have guests and things like that. So, an hour later he's like what did our friend say, and I told him that she said she'll come then. He said don't you think you should've told me? I did not respond.
So, I went back to studying, and then started washing the dishes since it was close to her arriving, and I saw him calling two other friends of us, who live nearby, and invited them to come over too, so we'll all be together. This was exactly what he knew I do not agree with, he knew I am very selective about whom and when to have over, specially when I have a lot to study. He knew it is the end of my term and he knew I had tons of papers to read and write and everything. But he did that regardless. I told him you did this just to bother me, right? and he said well, if you think it is necessary to check, you should have told me when our friend is coming. I said I asked you whether you want her coming or not. Knowing when someone comes is different that knowing whether someone comes at all or not. I told him he was sick to do that. So anyways, he was happy with what he did. We did not talk anything else before and after they came and left. It was alright when they were there. Even though there was no direct interaction among us, except for a word or two when we wanted to serve dinner. Then no talk again, no hugs at night. We slept separately on our bed. No talk in the morning. Till again, since I am an idiot, I went to him and asked what do we want to do? This cannot go on. He started to talk what he thought was going on yesterday, which I disagreed with. So he was like since you could not make me happy and I could not make you happy, and we only made each other angrier, so it is better this way. But he also said when things get this bad, they are out of my control and I don't know what I should do. He said that, and again, since I am an idiot, even though I was and I am mad at him, I said alright, he likes to be hugged at these times. So, I put aside my pride, and went to hug him and he rejected me. and said he cannot. I said I don't know how many times I should be rejected. Then I took my laptop and went to the bedroom and started writing this. I am thinking to myself, I will not go talk to him or do anything else to end this. I have done more than enough. I am really thinking I do not want to be alive now.