I truly thought that my battles with anxiety were over. After going to the ER twice with tremors, my family doctor put me on some meds and things seemed to slow down. My senior year of high school passed by rather uneventfully, Sure, there were some incidents, but for the most part, things were under control. Summer was just as chill and then came move-in day for college.

I was terrified. I'm very much a homebody, and my cat is my best friend. Two hours didn't seem that far away before, but then, it started to suffocate me. After crying uncontrollably for the first few hours after my parents left, I took one of my emergency Ativan, and then everything felt fine.

But when I woke up the next morning, the anxiety was back full force. I took another Ativan within an hour of getting out of bed, after I began tremoring. I knew then that I just couldn't handle it. I called home, and my parents made the two hour trip to come bring me home.

I'm a pretty smart girl. Going to a private liberal arts school seemed like the best next step for me, so that I could continue to develop myself. But my anxiety stole that from me.Instead, I'm going to a technical school close to home, a school with a not-so-great reputation. My entire life is going to be different than I planned, than I had hoped for.

I feel empty inside, like there is no way for me to accomplish all I want to. I feel weak because I couldn't overcome how I felt. I feel jealous that other kids can go off to school and have a grand ol' time whilst I'm trapped here, stewing in my own emotions. But most of all, I feel like giving up.

Where do I go from here?

1 Comment
  1. GabZ 13 years ago

    Perhaps you might enjoy the not so good school as well as you might with the good school. Sometimes its not the reputation that counts. Just try to learn as much as you can, and if you can\'t take it at this school, then investigate other ways or medications or schools that might allow you to achieve what you want to.

    I know what you mean by feeling like giving up. I\'m having serious problems with my PhD at the moment and am wondering if I meant to do one in the first place.

    In time, with patience, we\'ll get through this. Hope you feel better soon.

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