Hi everyone, I'm new here and i ended up because I didnt know where else to turn so I googled and found here hopefully it will help. I found out this week my only access to therapy that I can afford is being taken from me due to budget cuts. My therapist suggested I try to reach out to my friends even knowing I don't have many. I tried that today I went to the closest thing to a best friend I have crying and begged her to sit with me for awhile because I really need someone right now. She said she couldnt because she needed to wash her car, its a long weekend she has until Wednesday to do so its not like waiting a half hour to wash her car to help someone would make a difference. I reached out to every person in my phone trying to find someone that would give me some hope that i was wanted and meaningful to them. These are amoung the responses i recieved "if you going to kill yourself hurry up and do it, I'm tired of you asking me for help it's not my job." Another person asked if they could have my tv when I kill myself. One person even said they couldnt help because they were playing a video game. I feel so worthless, alone and unwanted. How much can I mean to these people that are supposed to be my friends if its more important to them to play a video game or wash their car then help me when I'm clearly suffering. I have been crying for the last 4 hours straight it seems lately if im awake im crying, all I know is tears anymore. Even If someone cant actually do anything it would be nice to just know that someone doesn't think it would be better if i wasn't here.

4 Comments
  1. Andie372 10 years ago

     Those people you contacted aren't friends at all.  No one who cared about you would tell you those things.

     

    You can find support here you are understood and loved.  Life is better with you in it and you can't believe what those people told you.  

     

     

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  2. JAMES 10 years ago

    Raven are you on medication? I felt alot like you a short time back when the the doctor was trying to adjust me to the right medications. I was diagnosed with Major Non-psychotic Depression and Social Anxiety. My whole life changed for me on April 24, 2011 when I attempted suicide with an overdose. Thre are three days there that I have no memory of. After leaving the hospital I was refered to my local mental health center for medication management……that is…..they needed to try and get me on the right meds and dosage. It has been an up and down situation where the Zoloft they tried me on was a complete disaster. I felt worthless like no one cared. I was having panic attacks at work and would actually walk off my job. However I was fortunate as my employer was completely understanding and willing to work with me to get better. I have been with them for 31 years. I have a severe physical disability from the residuals of polio so that too was weighing heavily on my mind. I was constantly feeling that tightness in the pit of my stomach from the anxiety and the depression was fierce as I would sit quietly thinking life was no longer worth all this hurt.

    I have family in Georgia and they have been very supportive of me….through phone calls and most of all my nieces and nephew would text me daily. I have a great doctor at the mental health center who has been working careful with me to get me stabilized and now I think we have finally found something that has worked. I am on a very low dosage of Xanax .05mg which I take in the AM and then one in the PM. I am also on a low dosage of Welbutrin SR 100 mg, one tab a day. This has helped me tremendously to deal with both the anxiety and depression. I have also found that the blog I keep up on wordpress has helped along with my friends on FaceBook, I have two FB sites, one for family and one for friends. I started going to Church on Sunday and boy did that make a difference. I went with my neighbors and when I got home I felt a whole lot better. In depression I have found you need a strong foundation and for me it is my faith and belief in God. I have always been a strong advocate of Tobacco Abuse and had quit smoking for almost 6 years. I've been trying to help bring awareness to tobacco abuse for nearly 11 years on the internet. About two weeks ago I started smoking again and know I HAVE TO MAKE MYSELF quit again but I will deal with that one day at a time. Right now I just want to get better mentally. Raven if you can,find a local Church you feel you would be comfortable with, get support from groups online, start your own blog so you can vent your feelings butt most of all get help to get you on the right medications from a professional. Even though you can no longer get therapy from the cuts made in mental health I would think your doctor and someone else can assist you with your meds.

    I could go on but I won't as I feel you know where I am coming from with all this. Those people who have not been willing to support you through this…..I don't know what to say. I do have neighbors across the street from me who I thought was great friends but when I started to go through these troubles they have pretty ignored me. I seldom speak to them about my problems but I still treat them as friends and talk of other things and…….I smile alot. Now that does wonders. You'll be ok but you need to get back to liking yourself and think about my favorite quote, "To Thine On Self Be True.". Raven you got to like yourself and believe in yourself be things can get better. I wish you the very best and just know you are never alone……never…..no matter what you may think 🙂

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  3. Ryank 10 years ago

    I understand where u r coming from. My ex was the same way, but i didn"t know what to do for her, but now i do. We r back together, not sure if its right, but i know what wrong with her, & finally got some help for her. I'm taking 1 step at a time with her.  so, tell me more about yourself & maybe i can help u too.  Ryan

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  4. nickstar 10 years ago

     Sorry to say they are not your real friends. 

    you will find friends on here.. I sure you that.. And they will understand and support you and give you ideas if needed..

    welcome to DT. 

    I hope you find this site usefull and make some great friends along the way…

    You are not alone…

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