Today I had the urge again… I had to cut my hair…………………….. WHY?!?! So I did… I started with my bangs and then I cut my left and right sides… nothing that I cant hide… just two chuncks out of each side… I felt better after doing this… almost relived… It looked terrible… I know how to cut hair and I did it terribly… even though I knew that it would look that way… I cut it shitty anyways! Then I felt relife becuase I relized I could hide it…………… I have done this sort of thing before I have been cutting my hair and my barbies hair as long as I can remember….. Why no clue. Did I ever even think that it could be something more then cutting hair no… I just thought I felt like doing it… but today… I knew it was not right…something was wrong… then I started going back to all the times I cut myself as a teenager and thought to myself… wow maybe that was not just me being a teenage drama queen… maybe this hair thing is the same as that….. then I googled it… yes… hair cutting is a form of self harm….wow. that was all I can think…………. I have terrible OCD and Anxiety but I do not take anything for it… I resently went off my Lexapro about a month ago… after some lady who thinks she has the power to tell me to put something in my body to fix me after talking to me for 15 mins… tells me that this will help… yeah no thanks…………. I have had so many medical problems on that fucking lexapro! Sorry about the fucking… I am just sooo irritated…. I really dont know how I feel at the moment I just want to curl up in a ball and hide under a banket until this goes away…. but I have a child so I can not do that… I gotta stay strong for him…. I hide my feelings so he sees happy mama…………………… That is why I am going on and on in this little box… I WANT TO SCREAM~!!!! I JUST DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…………….I am irritated………….. I AM HURT and I AM SAD………………………………………………… ALL IN ONE! and………….. why is there no spell check on here!?!? I need it… I am a child of the generation google and I never even try and spell things right or even sound them out for that matter………………….. why google fixes it for me…………….. :./

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