i feel like here lately i have been doingok with myanxiety, iv even been going out with my sisters, riding around and staying the night with them. but today i really am disappointed in myself. i drankcoffee which i know makes me more anxious cause it makes my heart race but i really wanted some.
about an hour after drinking it i could feel my heart slowly getting faster, which was kind of scarying me(i hate that feeling). my mother asked me to go to the store with my brother (which for the people that dont know) me and my brother dont see eye to eye, and never really get along, which makes me feel uncomfortable and doesnt help with my anxiety. me and billy started to drive to the store about a mile or so up the road i just couldnt take it, i could feel my heart just racing and i just wanted to go home and be with my parents.
im so disapponted in myself, i know i could of done it if i would have hung in there and just tried, but now i feel like a failure cause i gave up instead of going with it.
i hate feeling like this and wish i could just be normal, i hate seeing other younder people at wal mart and stuff cause it just breaks me down. like i want to go out and do these things, i wanna be able to just be myself again. i hate feeling trapped in my own body. 🙁
i cant help but ask god why he gave me this, im not a bad person and i try so hard to always do the right things. before my anxiety i worked at nursing homes just cause i loved helping people. i just hate that i cant be normal….
i know i should be greatful for what i have in life and not be so stuck on myself but i just dont know why.. i have been so depressed.. there are people out there that hae it so much worse then i do. urggg is the word of the day for this girl!!