i feel like here lately i have been doingok with myanxiety, iv even been going out with my sisters, riding around and staying the night with them. but today i really am disappointed in myself. i drankcoffee which i know makes me more anxious cause it makes my heart race but i really wanted some.

about an hour after drinking it i could feel my heart slowly getting faster, which was kind of scarying me(i hate that feeling). my mother asked me to go to the store with my brother (which for the people that dont know) me and my brother dont see eye to eye, and never really get along, which makes me feel uncomfortable and doesnt help with my anxiety. me and billy started to drive to the store about a mile or so up the road i just couldnt take it, i could feel my heart just racing and i just wanted to go home and be with my parents.

im so disapponted in myself, i know i could of done it if i would have hung in there and just tried, but now i feel like a failure cause i gave up instead of going with it.

i hate feeling like this and wish i could just be normal, i hate seeing other younder people at wal mart and stuff cause it just breaks me down. like i want to go out and do these things, i wanna be able to just be myself again. i hate feeling trapped in my own body. 🙁

i cant help but ask god why he gave me this, im not a bad person and i try so hard to always do the right things. before my anxiety i worked at nursing homes just cause i loved helping people. i just hate that i cant be normal….

i know i should be greatful for what i have in life and not be so stuck on myself but i just dont know why.. i have been so depressed.. there are people out there that hae it so much worse then i do. urggg is the word of the day for this girl!!

  1. yudith 9 years ago

    OMG is like im reading my own post but in this case i did not write it you did. This is exactly how i feel. You and me feel the same way about anxiety. I to feel sad when i see other people have fun go to stores and parties and even drive anywhere they want i just dont know what i did to deserve this anxiety

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  2. Bigwolf 9 years ago

    I understand how all that feels I went through all of that…I still do from time to time. But I learned how to keep it away change the way things effect me. It helped alot to have someone to talk to and thats what I usually offer to help anyone who wants it. Im usually here so send me a message if need anything 🙂

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  3. ssegars18 9 years ago

    yudith: it really sucks and has got me so down on life. like Im an honor roll student who loves school and stuff but im now not going to school (dropped out of college). and now im wanting to go back but im gonna have to do online classes cause I cant even drive alone to school 🙁

    and Big wolf: thank you for the support and I deffinitly will ask for help when ever I need it.

    thank you both for the support..

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  4. sweeti4027 9 years ago

    You wont be able to do any of these things if you never face it. I dont drink coffee because it makes my heart race and I hate that feeling too. If all of you dont go out and face what it is you are fearing you will never overcome it, sure you will feel uncomfortable the first couple of times but you will slowly get more and more used to it. I have anxiety and panic disorder but I stil work full time and drive because I force myself too. I even had an attack at work yesterday, I couldve easily called out today but I didnt because I knew in my mind if I did I would label work as a place of fear. Fear cant hurt you, either can thoughts. You just have to change how you react to them. A great book is Paul David\'s \”A Life at Last\”. Best wishes to everyone. I have anxiety too and panic attacks but I dont take them nearly as seriously as I did when they first started 4 years ago because I understand them better.

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  5. ssegars18 9 years ago

    Once I get comfortable I do get better, but my driven is still a huge fear with me, a year ago I was in a horrible car wreck, a drunk driver came into my lane and hit me head one, my car was in thousands of prices and it really did take a toll on my life, and ever since then driving is so hard for me. I feel like no matter how hard I try I still just get so scared, I just remember the pain I was in and the crazy effects its had.
    I want to drive again, and I know I will cause I\'m gonna get better.

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