I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. ofcourse this is one of the biggest fears of anxiety. at this current moment i am lost. i know what needs to be done, but i am lacking in motivaiton in a bad way. i\'ve been trying the hardest out here in california that i ever have in my entire life.  i have serious mental health issues(generalixzed anxiety, social anx., major depression(chronic), ocd, among many other things that bring me down. I dont know how i will get by in the state of mind i am in right now. i may be in way over my head. yet i still try. i can\'t sleep for many reasons, but for one ,  i am now completely overlwhelmed in almost every aspect of my life. the stress is crushing me, adding to my depression and making things almost unliveable.  i am on my own for the first time and 25oo miles from home. i have one real supporter, and many of you know who that is. i can\'t give in and wont. but sometimes its like torture cause i am too afraid to live but too afraid to die and i must tread on. i\'m not just overwhelmed by the move itself, its so many other things, all my mental health issues, the way things have gone negatively out here in so many areas. i constantly worry with spine numbing fear, what the future will hold. can i live up to these expectations? or did i bite off more than i can chew?  i set my sights so high, maybe unrealisticly high, and i seem to be good enough for almost noone. everyday it seems as if i am getting shit on more and more by the "heavens". how much more can i take i wonder? i guess tomorrow will tell. ….July 8th is getting closer.

btw…this song is about heroine, however it can apply to so many different things. sometimes with certain songs i think its ok to make your own interpretation of it. this particular song haunts me. just not the heroine part.



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