So; I had this episode a couple days back. I woke up in the middle of the night and passed out twice. I NEVER felt so F'ed up in my entire life.

Went to the M.D.who is sending me for brain MRI and ultrasound Monday. Thing is he says its probably due to all my meds the shrink has been changing this past month due to me having episodes of anxiety/maniabecause ofmy favorite time of the year – the holidays! (SARCASM) I called the shrink before i even went to the M.D. and he said it had nothing to due with the meds! WTF!

Shrink says he will follow up after results from medical tests come back next week. WTF? I willl have to have my M.D. call him and awaken him from his brain fart state. In the mean time…..just a little MORE stress to add to my plate; claustrophobia in an MRI machine which they will give me xanax before. Then i have to wait 3 hours for the ultrasound test. Its a waste of a great day because I have been going to a mental health club house for the past two weeks and I really like Monday's groups. Then, there is the irrational fear that something is ACTUALLY wrong with me… I need those thoughts running thru my head. I do stop them tho because its just not reality.

THEN, the Doc tells me to cut off all the caffeinne. So I try. I last 12 hours before I rush to the store, buy 3 giant redbulls and 4 diet cokes (didnt drink em all at the same time lol)! I just cant do it. Its like I cant take one more thing right now and I admit; I am a caffeinne addict; I need the shit to balance out these flippin meds I am on. I wake up in such a drug induced fog. I have an expresso machine because regular coffee isnt strong enough, I cant leave the house at 5am to go to starbucks and who can afford that place anyway?

So, as usual; I ask myself WTF? Thanks for listening.


  1. coolbeans 10 years ago

    Wow, that sounds like a really frustrating situation. I am sorry you have to deal with all of this. Sometimes doctors can be really ignorant. I know they are probably smart people, but they don\'t seem to communicate well with other doctors and end up looking into stuff that is irrelevant. Anyway, hang in there and make sure to take care of yourself.

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