Honestly I don’t know what to say anymore. Life was going fine, until she came along, she made it excellent but horrible all at the same time. I’m not in love with her anymore, she was never in love with me, and now we can’t even be friends like we use to be. She doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, but supposedly she’s not happy with how things are going. I don’t know what to do anymore, I want to forget about her, but my other friend is friends with her and doesn’t like to constantly chose between us, which is valid. I just want to do what’s right for me, but I don’t know if I can in this situation.
She says it’s unpleasant
I say it always was unpleasant
It’s the unpleasant gloss that was coating my eyes
The let me see her as pleasant
The gloss was cleaned off
It opened my eyes
To see what she did
How she treated me
Not bad
Not good
A good kinda bad
An unfair justice
That gloss controlled me
Fake reality
Was all I saw
The lie of truth
Love
The only true love
Is the fakest love
The hatred of love
The evil of love
The sharp arrow of cupid
Stabbing the one in love
Destroying the one that should be loved
Breaking the one’s around
She says it’s unpleasant
I say it’s unpleasant
She says it’s unpleasant to try and fix
I say it’s unpleasant to let it be
I did what she wanted
I did what we wanted
I did what I wanted
I did what I needed
I need what she wanted
She needs what I wanted
She wants what I don’t have
I wanted what she would never have
Two different arrows were shot
One of romance
One of comrade
Which will never collide
Now what I want
Is honest love
Not the lies of love
Can she give that?
She wants one sided love
Honest love
The truth of how love really is
Can I give that?
Don’t talk about what you want
This is about me
What I want
What I can handle
What I need
I want you to be there for me
I want you around
I don’t care about you
This is about me
“Stop talking”
“Please, stop talking”
“Don’t tell me that.”
“Just come back to this.”
This life of a me having you
But you not having me
You hurt me
I never wanted to hurt you
Trust the truth
You hurt me
I hurt you
We never wanted to hurt each other
But we will need to change
Things don’t change
We don’t sacrifice for each other
We sacrifice for ourselves
For ‘love’
I came back because I want you
Because you love me
And I want love
So in return, you get my love
Hopeless
Silent speech
I was forced to
It was your choice
I would have created hope
Communication
It’s your choice
I won’t force you
I feel like she just trapped me in a box with all our problems and locked it shut, and the only way I can get out is if I leave the box and personally carry all the problems everywhere I go. Yet, no matter what she’s never gonna take on any of the shit she has caused, that will always be something I have to work through on my own, this guilt I have to hold onto me, because I will never be able to hear from her that she caused some of the problems too.
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If the two of you aren’t a couple, then you need to walk away. Your mental and emotional well-being are key and priority for you at the moment. When you love someone you always have their best interests at heart. Obviously she doesn’t have your best interests at heart, or so I gather from your blog. Before you invest anymore time, or effort, you need to cut your losses and walk away. You can’t mourn for something you never really had. A wise friend I knew would always remind me that there is no “ownership” in a relationship. It hurts only if you let it .
Hope this offered you some comfort.
Honestly that was extremely upfront, but so true, the truest thing anyone has ever said to me about this whole situation, so thank you. Considering, that she was my best friend, I sometimes wonder if I was just being dramatic through this whole thing, and I think that maybe I should just get over it so we can be friends again. I feel like I am a victim, but then I feel guilty for feeling like I’m the victim because I’m probably not, I just interpreted everything the wrong way. But regardless, like you said my emotional and mental well-being is priority, and those aspects of my life have definitely been suffering through all this, and affected other aspects of my life too. I have kinda decided to be done with our friendship for the time being, until she makes an effort of some kind (I will cross that bridge when that time comes), it has been just one day and it’s been a little weird, taking myself out of the friend group, but I was definitely happier today.
Thanks again for the response, it meant a lot.
I really like your poem, love your style.