Sometimes life just wins, like you don’t mean to let it win and when you see it start to win you try as hard as you can to stop it but sometimes it just wins and after it wins sometimes it feels so good but then other times you feel like rubbish. Lets take these last few days of my life for example, on Tuesday one of my friends for a couple of years asked me to date them, I said yes because I did not want to disappoint him, he then had a really big challenge two days later almost causing him to almost relapse on a number of things one of which I struggle with myself and was at that moment wondering whether or not to relapse my self. Luckily the night neither of us relapse but it was a close call and made me start to wonder whether or not this was going to work. Then yesterday we went on a date and then met up with one of our other friends, my boyfriend had a great time and loved seeing both of my friends but for the whole time, I was just thinking about how this relationship was not going to work. Then that evening I relapsed, I could not take the constant arguing at home and with all of my thoughts going on in my head about my relatonship I just could not take it anymore. I tried so hard not to relapse but then when I did it, it felt so good and part of me was actually glad that I did it even though I knew I was bad for me and I would have to make up, even more, lies about what the marks where on my arm. I did not want to let life win but it did and for the time that is was winning it felt so good, but now, now that life has won I feel rubbish and am just waiting for it to win again.

Sometimes life just wins…