As is typical of people who suffer from anxiety I have created a bubble for myself that has gotten progressively smaller and smaller. I used to travel a lot. I actually used to love to travel. Now of course things are VERY different. I have to go to New York this weekend for a conference thingy. I am so unbelievably nervous. I've done a resepctable job of making a lit of all that I needed to do and have gone through items one by one. I really don't have much more to do than pack and get to the airport on Saturday morning. Nonetheless I am horribly anxious. The last time I flew was two years ago and I forced myself to go b/c my best friend was getting married. Other than that trip (also to NY) in 2008 I have not gone anywhere farther than an hour or two from home. I am not afraid of flying. I am afraid of being so far from my comfort zone and of having to be around so many people. I do hate crowds. I loathe them. I blink and duck and flinch. Its ridiculous. And where better for crowds than Newark International? It should find this whole thing laughable. I always used to be the guy telling people to chill out about travel. I have missed two intercontinental flights (London-Houston) in my life. All that happened was that they put me on the next flight. Big deal right? So the worst that can happen is that you miss your flight and you have to get the next one or fly the following day. I once arrived in Florence in the middle of the summer with no place to stay, couldn't find anywhere so I just went and slept at the campground. Now I have a booked, confirmed, paid-for room at a hotel and I'm having a fit. The reason I missed those two flights was terrible traffic and terrible planning b/c I was so blasse about everything. I didn't even bother to take traffic into account after I had already missed a flight a year before. That's how "un-neurotic" I was. I have the chance to hang out with my best friend in Manhattan Saturday night, spend the day with him and his wife and baby on Sunday and all I do is complain. I feel guilty for being so selfish but I am still just so scared.