I’m just going to dump all of my problems into this empty box of space for those of you who want to take a look at all the chaos that is my life. I haven’t really gotten any of this off of my chest but its time. This isn’t directed to anyone so please if you read this and disagree with what I’m saying or have any opinion on what i should and shouldn’t have said, I really hope you can keep it to yourself if it isn’t constructive. Basically dont be a dick.

Anyway, I recently moved out of my parents’ house (basically my mom’s but my asshole father is there too), and I am in the process of petitioning for emancipation. I have a court hearing in exactly one week, and I’m terrified but numb at the same time. Iv’e been living with a retired veteran who is a family friend for almost a month now, and I thought it was a safe place because of his age, his caretaker that was here almost every day and was an older woman, and the fact that he has his hands in every government and non-government organization imaginable.

I left my home because I was being abused mentally, physically, and felt the sexual abuse building up from my father. CPS has multiple reports of abuse but they won’t do anything. My mother went around spreading false information about my most recent relationship, and has been talking shit about me to everyone possible my entire life. Needless to say; bad family situation.

I’ve been sexually assaulted before, so I know what the signs are as well as what to look for and avoid. I started getting worried for my safety when the veteran would compliment me multiple times a day, every day on my beauty and how pretty I am or how good I looked in my outfit. I expressed my worry to someone I’m very close with and he told me to watch out, but he doubted anything would happen.

Fast-forward, the vet. is sleeping on the couch and me in the bed in a bedroom while we fix the other. He kept complaining about how hard the couch was and got upset that I wouldn’t share the bed with him. So eventually I gave in, scared he would use it as a reason to kick me out, and let him sleep in the same bed with me.

The first night was fine. No touching or anything. Simply “goodnight” and sleep. The second night, he grabbed me out of nowhere at around 4 in the morning and woke me up. He made me turn over and he grabbed me and held me really tight. Painfully tight. He held me against him and rubbed my back and shoulders and i just laid there.

I froze and refused to believe he was going to do anything more. I kept thinking in my head, “If he moves his hand any lower on my back, something bad is going to happen. Give me a sign or something.” I’m not religious, but the universe came through and sure enough he moved his hand lower. I panicked and froze. Letting him manipulate my body how he wanted. Agreeing with everything he said. Everything he did. It lasted an hour. I was terrified and in tears the whole time.

When he left the room, I texted and called my friend and he picked up thankfully. I could barely talk and he knew something was wrong so he stayed on call with me and let me text him the details. The vet had left and was getting ready to go out, and I was having a full blown silent fucking breakdown in the bedroom.

Long-story-shorter, it happened again the next day and I was on call with my friend, and he sternly half-yelled at me to get up and not freeze. To not let him take advantage of me. I was able to go to the bathroom and then had a conversation with the vet about how I’m traumatized from the past, and how I freeze when I’m in situations like the one he put me in. I yelled at him and defended myself and ended up sleeping alone with the door locked.

I still live with him and his caretaker is quitting I think because she feels I’m taking her place. They’ve been friends for over 25 years and here I come and everything falls apart. I’m looking for an apartment I can afford that he says he’ll help pay for, but I’m unsure. I just need some real fucking help.