So lately, I wake up early, and I don’t actually get moving until I am running late.  I lay around watching Deep Space Nine for a while, smoke some pot, then listen to music, and tool around with the computer.  Like most pc addicts, I crawl to my laptop, almost as soon as I’m awake.  Normally, there’s still Star Trek playing from the night before – so, I watch the rest of whatever’s playing.  I got my parents’ anniversary gift yesterday.  Charlie damaged it slightly, but it should be fine.  I wasn’t pissed – it was a total accident.

That’s actually something I have had to condition myself to do – not get pissed about things that people do not intend to do.  With some things, I would still argue that intentions don’t matter.  But, with most things, if someone doesn’t mean to do something, it’s pretty lame to get sh*tty about it.  I guess I had the tendency because that’s the way it was for me, growing up.  My dad (who, between my two parents, was my role model of choice – a choice between two troubled, unstable souls…  I had to choose, unwittingly, between the guy who said "get me a glass of water" and the woman who fetched the water – I didn’t know I was even making this choice.  I didn’t realize I was becoming like him, over the years, but I definitely was.  I guess, it makes sense, to prefer being the person who is brought their water, as opposed to the person who does the fetching.) was basically a good guy, but he was a dominating presence.  And, he had no patience – he would snap whether you meant to fuck up or not – if you did not mean to, then, you weren’t paying close enough attention, or something.  I can remember being punished for sh*t like that.

A couple of times lately, Charlie has brought up specific things I said, while I was strung out and nutty, that he didn’t like or agree with – like he wants to argue now, about this shit.  Stupid shit, and oddly, both examples, so far, involve his father.  I guess, I made some derogatory statements about his ex-junkie, ex-drunk dad who he talks to maybe twice a year – a man who terrorized his kids into their present complexes.  Oh, wow…  how could I be so insensitive as to dislike the guy who wrecked the man I married?  I guess I am just a b*tch like that.  I know it’s natural to defend your family.  Even when it makes no sense…

And, on the subject of defending what we care about – I have asked Charlie to lay off one fo his favorite hobbies of late – making fun of my friends.  Such dick behavior…  I’m just want to scream, "HOW OLD ARE YOU, B*TCH?"  Like he’s [email protected] perfect or something…


I get to see Ace this weekend.  All is right with the world.



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