Well hate to be so negative, guess I just want/need to vent. Since this is a new site for me and 1st time I've wrote in a long time, I might just go on .  Today was really shit!  Tired when I awoke, moody, not very happening with my boyfriend.  Just dont see eye to eye with him right now, i feel like.  ANyway 10 hr day @work and its my first week, the credit card machines when down for 2 hrs, chaos and irration filled my head.  But I continued to do my job and well might I say.  Think I drank like 4 cups of coffe today which always makes me edgy and  short.  Thank somebody that its thunder storming right now or else I could feel myself like throwing a massive fit ( within myself ).  Well lies piss me off real bad. Or even having that assumption in your head without even talking to the person. When you know somebody is lieing to you and they deny it. Cross their heart, and tell you theres no reason to lie to you.  Thinks I'm stupid? Or just trying to cover his own ass so he can continue to use without disruption.  I know he doesnt want to loose me, but jesus I feel really worn out by this same ol' shit. I just really need to see his desire to be clean and try.  Just that its not like, well wait, I guess I am asking him to change his life.  Dramatically, huh? I feel kinda misplaced being a addicts clean girlfriend in this tribe, rather than a user. But I really appriciate the chance to release, and look at everyone else's stories.   Seems like the few blogs I have wrote, have made me relize how much negativity I have to pour into the conversation of John.  Pretty fucked up.  Well when its good its great when its bad it sux.