I need unbiased opinions to help me decide if I am being overly sensitive or if my feelings are validated.
Around 2002 I found a job at an insurance management company. At this company I met Sarah Happy. Over time we became friends.
Sarah and I have shared many milestones. She was there when my marriage fell apart and my wonderful exhusband took everything. She has been there through move after move.
I have been there through one of the most devasting relationships that she had to get over.
We are not the type of friend who call each other everyday. Nor are we the type of friends that go to the mall.
We basically keep in touch with each other through all major events in our lives and occassionally we give each other spiritual advice.
Well, Sarah Happy is getting married. I have been through every step of the relationship. The begining.. all the uncertainties, the doubt, major issues of respect and feelings of lack.
Now, when Sarah told me she was getting married. She lives in New Jersey and I was in Tennessee… So I completely understood why she would not invite me to the wedding (kinda but not really). Now, however, that I am in New Jersey, certainly I would be invited….
Well, I was not.
Now the wedding is in November… and I was beginning to feel some type of way about it ( that is an east coast saying)… So because I pay attention to detail, I called her one day and we had a conversation catching each other up on what has transpired in our lives since the last time we talked….
I asked about the wedding and she said that she had to figure something out.. her grandmother was steadily adding people to the guest list and had paid for three people to eat.
Now, I am sitting at the other end of the phone thinking, so is this my que to say that I need to pay for my own food?
So, I say to Sarah, "Well I just want to be present for the wedding portion of the ceremony. I don't have to eat. I just want to be a part of one of the most important days of your life."
Right on cue she says, "Ok then, give me your mother's address and I will mail out an invitation."
I am now down right steaming.
So 10 years of friendship is not as important as a $45 plate of food?
More importantly, she sent me an email asking me to come over to her place and put together her decorations.
I respectfully declined.
Now, I am trying to be objective here. But if Granny has enough common sense to add people who Sarah barely knows… Should I not expect the same?
Would it have been too much for her to say, Whyohwhy, I can't really afford to add you to the reception but would love to have you at the wedding. Or Whyohwhy is there anyway you can contribute toward a plate at the reception?
More importantly, is this a wake up call on what I thought was a friendship and may be should be moved to casual acquaintances?
Or am I expecting too much?