For as long as I can remember Ive always been the quiet one, Ive been reminiscing about my life and realized that my silence has not been anything that recently developed.  And unfortunately the experiences Ive collected thus far have kind of hardened my personality and made me distrustful of my fellow man, making me seem even more stand offish and harder to approach.

As Ive grown older though Ive become more and more aware that life is best when its shared, and my current situation reflects this, as I carry many burdens and debts that Im beginning to doubt I can carry on my own.  Yet because I have developed these patterns of witholding information, I find no assistance or comfort with the problems that are staring me in the face.

All in all this makes me feel like a very pathetic individual, and I know that focusing on these things is making me more depressed as well.  I try to analyze my situation and how to handle the progress of change, but none of my solutions seem tangible either.  I know that the only way I can move forward is to attempt to be as much of an extrovert as possible, and yet I still cannot come up with anything to say to my peers and collegues.  Its not just new people I meet either, although I feel if I can force myself to break ground with them, the results will spill over into other areas of my life as well.  The thing that bothers me the most is the fact that I know that most people have alot in common.  Everyone wants to feel loved, have respect, enjoys having fun and excitement in their lives, has the same problems concerning finances and family stress, actively chases sex, and has some sort of vice or problem at any given time; and yet I cannot find any way to communicate my desire to know more people on a deeper level.

The thing that I find most rediculous is that at this point I know that i have nothing left to lose, and Im not afraid of how people are going to respond, or that Im going to fail as an orator or anything like that, I simply (or not much so much) cannot find the words to break the ice.  I know that theres noone to blame for this fact except for myself as well, and it makes me feel like a failure as a human being.