My friend Ashleigh is staying with me for a couple weeks until we all drive back to my hometown to visit.  So last night I had Connor asleep in his crib across the apartment from my room and her and I were dead asleep in my room.  Around 2 AM I bolt out of bed to hear this guy in the apartment above us screaming and hitting the door over and over.   Now, I live in a rich part of Orange County, I've never even heard drunk Marines in this part let alone some asshole at 2 AM.   My friend is already at the window trying to listen to figure out where this guy is.  We hear him yelling calling this girl a whore then with a guy screaming "punch me!  i will fucking shoot you!".   Instantly it was like I was 7 years old again hearing my step dad.  I grabbed our shotgun that's under the bed without even thinking and called the cops.  He is running up and down the staircase which we are right under.  Next thing we know a police helicopter is above us.  The entire time I'm thinking if you go past the staircase toward my door, God help you.  Ashleigh said she saw the gun which he removed from his pants so I told her to get the hell away from the window.  I had to grab Connor and we hid in my bathroom until they took the guy away.  

Survival mode was fully in swing.  I wasn't thinking, just reacting.  Luckily the cops came to the other three apartments in our building and talked to us.  He said I did the right thing but now my OCD and PTSD is in full swing.  What if he came to my door?  There is no doubt in my mind I would have shot him.  All I could think is what if he shoots that gun and it goes down their floor into my apartment?!  I covered Connor as much as I could with my body but I know it wouldn't have made a difference.

I am so anxiety stricken right now.   What if he comes back?  I want to pack up our stuff and drive to my mom's house 6 hours away until Jared gets home, which is still 2 months and a few weeks from now.  This is the nicest area we could possibly be in and we still aren't safe.