day 5 of quitting drinking… I am going crazy, I am bored, lonely, anxious, and easily irritable…

My guy is out of town for 3 more days and I don't know if I can handle it… The only thing that is keeping me from drinking is that I am a couple weeks late for my period. I want to get a pregnancy test to see if I could possibly be pregnant. But honestly the thought of having a child with the man I have been with for the last 5 years at 25 years old doesn't sound so frightening… Actually it was the only thing that put a smile on my face this week… A really big smile.

Although I don't want to take a test because if it turns out I am not pregnant then I know the second I see negative on the damn stick I am going to rush to the store, grab an 18 pack of beer and get as stupid as I possibly can. And once again make a total ass of myself, either calling/txting/crying/screaming/typing drunk… For other drinkers you know how it is. I hate myself when I drink. But I can't quit.. I mean I am now…. Technically I'm not there yet. Because I already feel myself failing.

I mean I haven't touched meth in over 4 years. Yet I still have cravings, and dreams about smoking it, and I swear I feel the high and actually taste it in my mouth. And when I wake up I would do anything to get a hold of it. Luckily years ago I cut ties and burned all bridges I had connected to meth so that I can never turn back to it.

But how do you cut ties and burn bridges with every street corner that holds a liquor store, bar, convenient store etc.??