Well its the day after and life goes on ,my daughter and son stayed in the pub for 11 hours ,and David did a whole lot of crying into spilt beer ,Jenny my daughter said it did him a lot of good.I rang then both today and they are ok apart from monstrous hangovers.  .

I am so glad that ,it is all over ,the one image that will stay with me is seeing Paddys sister walking beside the coffin with this look of pure hatred and crying at the same time ,her face said everything i just will never forget that face it showed so much anguish ,loss sorrow,anger,defiance,it was the way we all felt.

I am so lucky that  i didnt have to take anything to get me through ,like a 30 mgs of vallium or any other substance ,its a miracle because 10 years ago i was so strung out on different drugs to keep me going ,one to get up in the morning ,several to take before lunch,a couple in the afternoon ,and a cocktail of drugs and booze in the evening some were perscribed but i also did a lot of street drugs,because the doc never gave me enough or woudnt give them to me ,what a junkie i was ,and then the miracle happened ,God said i had had enough pain,and he wanted me to lean on him and i have never stopped leaning on him and people all sorts of people ,so many people have been put in my path ,some have given me such support ,others have been like ships passing in the night but they all had a message to give me and they will never be forgotten ,they are all my brothers and sisters and i care for them all ,and i care for all my brothers and sisters on this site,you are all precious to me ,DONT DO WHAT PADDY DID PLEASE ,talk about how your feeling ,talk it to death,never never ever give up were here to help you we wont criticise you we are all here to help you ,im crying now TAKE CARE