This year is a new beginning 

I managed to do exactly what I wanted and not feel bad about it. I had half a margarita at my mom's friends deck party and a glass of wine at a bar. And that was plenty! I had my good friend by my side. She did not try to force me to do more than I wanted. That was a big relief. My tongue loosened up, I started not to mind about all the smoke and terrible music and irritating flashing lights.  We talked and talked about all sorts of things and it was never forced, it was effortless. I felt like I had my good friend back, I felt like I belonged. Some creepy guys came by and wanted to buy me a shot. They said, "hey baby girl, this place is lame for your twenty-first birthday, what are you doing here, come with us!" But my friend and I confidently but kindly declined their invitation and they swiftly moved on to the next girls who walked in. That was the only damper on the evening, and I think I handled it really well. I did not think much about their feelings or their implication that we were "lame". I was having the perfect time reconnecting with my friend.  

I did what I wanted to do! I did everything I wanted to do. No one has control over me, that was an illusion. 

This is a new beginning. Today I feel confident being who I am, being someone different.  Everyone can decide on their own to take me or leave me, because I'm not adjusting myself to meet their needs. I am me, that's all there is to it. I am going to try my best to make this feeling last.