What am I going to do with all my time this weekend. Without my outpaitent program to fill up my mornings, my day is going to have an even greater gap of nothingness too it.
I just finished my 3.7 mile walk, and can’t think of anything else I really want to do today besides correspond with others via the internet. That’s not good. The internet promotes isolation and loneliness for me. Prying myself away for some real life activity (people around me) is neccessary for my healing.
Maybe I will go do some fishing in the early evening, but that still leaves me with about 9 hours to fill.
I don’t want to clean my domicile. I don’t want to do anything else but sit here and write and listen today. I would like to try reading more but that has been really difficult for me to stay focused with. I have developed some real "lazy" habits that have lasted several years. And my anxiety is a bit high lately.
I had a negative urine drop from last week which was presented to the judge on Tuesday by my probation officer. I was happy and proud of that. Although I have absolutely nothing negative to say about others use of cannabis, it’s just not for me. With chronic depression, I believe it isn’t wise for me to partake in that chemical…as it is a depressant somewhat…I’m clean since mothers day, so about 7 weeks now. woo hoo…it’s really been easy to give it up. As well, I gave up 3 packs a day of cigarettes in early March, and that was easy to do as well. I have been ready for a while too begin my cleanup process.
I’m showering, and exercising everyday, which are big steps. I haven’t had any consistent exercise for over 10 years, and I wasn’t bathing but once a month. I WAS A MESS and VERY HOPELESS indeedy!!!
That hopelessness is turning into hopefullness and I owe much of that to the Dtribe family. Thank you all so very much. I can’t say thankyou enough to some of you. You have helped me to find some purpose and meaning in my life, and have supported me through a difficult time. That time is not over yet but it sure seems more manageable of late. God bless you all.
Love, Peace, and Joy to everyONE on Dtribe,