First and foremost, I would like to apoligize for any " spelling error’s " or offenfive words I might say. I’m sorry! I’m just a blunt person. I try to speak whatever’s on my mind though half of the time not many people agree or can accept my thoughts. Everyone seems to have to put in their 2 cents . People are entitle to their own thoughts. But PLEASE try to consider a other people. !!! I’m not trying to pick fights.  I just need to vent somewhere!!!

Friends I doubt I can trust anymore. My little sister’s whenever they need something? They seem to always be able to count on friends. " borrow clothes, money? or even  a ride somewhere ". Me? God damn ______!! They only seem to like to call me when their "bf’s are too busy for them "? or " they got two mintues to remember about me " , just because their boyfriend’s were a-hole’s they decided that waking me up at 2 or 3, 5am " was nesscary. I’m TIRED of being so freaken walked all over. I feel " used and abused ". I always say I will not let +_____ and ___ do it again. But somehow stupidly? Everytime, I’d always find myself feeling sorry for them and picking up at odd hrs. Cell phone’s are another evil thing!! One chick? god damn ________________  she never calls! when she calls it’s always boyfriend venting’s!!. One time? I was out of town? she called " i ignored because I knew it was only her random vents ". She filled up my entire voice mail box threatening to kill herself because men are PIGS in her words. blah blah blah* next thing I knew? a 4 day trip out of town? By the end of the month? My god for saken phone bill turned out $889. 26 . That was 80 or 90% roaming charges. It’s like whenever somebody has some bull crap? they’d always wake me! But when i call them? they always say that I pick the wrong time to call!!! sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh That’s only 1 pain in the ass chick.

chick #2, she did the same god damn thing too!!! Except,  she introduced the worst thing that I doubt I can ever forget. My biggest regret!! People always say " what’s done is done ".  Forgive and forget. But I can’t. I just can’t!! 7 years of listening to that b_____ vent about her boy troubles at odd hrs o the day some days I’d get only 20 mintues to sleep til work. But i still put up with her because I feel bad for leaving her depressed . Then, to thank me? she introduces the biggest loser of my life!! He was charming in the beginning. Then became obessive and controlling, abusive. You name it!! He did it to me. sigh* It’ll be offically 3 year’s this 19th ; I kept on telling myself  that ( I’ll lie lie and deny until the day that I die ). But sadly, i can’t do it!!! Took me forever to forget the face , endless hours to not throw up when i hear his name and countless depressed nights asking myself ( WHY ). A lot of ppl like to use that saying " things happens for a reason " , my question is WHYYYY !! I finally forgot the face and the images . BUT every single time  i see other people happy? I feel so empty and cold. Then , i’d find myself buying a whole bunch of sweets and junk, bindging. Afterwards, feeling even more sick and depressed. I offically have noticed that I rarely like leaving the house. I hate seeing ppl HAPPY and I’m not. I’ve gained an offical 35 pounds. I know I know mopeing and crying will not change the fact that " I have USER friends,  AN A____HOLE ex and a crazy family  , medical dieases ". Knowing all that I know? i STILL find myself laying in bed feeling blue. If i dont sleep all day? then I find myself up all night………

No, i do not want to go see a doctor! all they’ll suggest is for me to go see another doctor and end up telling me " i need anti depressants". By god I’m only 5’5 and I weigh 190 pounds. i dont think I can take 290 or 490……..