After experiencing being married for over 25 years. I realize that some insight has been gained.  I know some people on here have never been married, and may he wondering if that is what they are seeking someday.   

I married in my early 20’s because I wanted to have children and not deal with dating life challenges anymore.  Dating can be tough and heartbreaks are part of it.   I experienced heart breaks, and the realities of single life and had my fill of it! 

  I remember babysitting from the age of 9 years old and liking seeing how happy married together couples acted.   It was sweet when the dad would say to his wife that he was driving me home.   He would say that she could go on to bed with love in his eyes foe her.  It made a impression on me.    

My own  “alleged” male and female “parents” verbally, neglectful, child endangerment (and more things) were married.     They were my “horrible warnings.”   We humans are all flawed and have the option to inspire or be a warning to to others.

The “alleged parents” cheated on each other (many times) , divorced, lived together for many years and then married.   The household was very toxic (in many ways) violent, dangerous for children etc.   However, they were both good at being horrible examples of  what a in healthy marriage looks , not kind or loving people, and not creating a healthy environment to raise children in.   The police were called many times by neighbors to check on us due to ————, ——— and ——-.   Yes, as I said earlier, they are horrible “good”examples! 

——————

Assuming one decides to commit to marriage for the best reasons, a big false message that I picked up on was how simple it would be to “to just get a divorce” if things didn’t work out.   Challenging events happen and the person you may marry will not always be your favorite person all the time.  

Life has ups and downs and they can take toll.   Babies can have colic and scream for hours a day for months.   Job loses, horrible in law situations and expensive health situations are also in the realm of what can happen.

 We also sold our home due to a job loss and bought a much smaller home very much near his family due to the lower cost of living here verses the popular tourist city in a different city.  It was over 2 hours away from his relatives!  I liked the buffer zone! 

If you share a mortgage/ home and children with someone, realistically it is isn’t easy to just end a marriage and walk away when times get tough.  

It can be a challenge seeing the negative traits of toxic in laws develop and show up in your spouse as well.   It is a good reason to live far away as possible from toxic in laws.   The more a good spouse is around toxic people, it can change them for the worst.

Yesterday, I was thinking and I regret moving here.   I regret getting married, having a family, and sacrificing my career to move here to keep “us” together.    

People have said that I am a very good mom and my husband and I get along well.  He is a good dad as well.     It is true.

 Please get to know yourself before getting married! It doesn’t matter if it takes until you are 30 or older either! 

If you want children, be realistic.   I had the idea that when they grew up that they would find nice life partners.   I hoped for family gatherings and grandchildren.    

Now, the reality is that one of my sons plans to marry a female who is ——-, ————. ——— , and is also irresponsible with money! 

My daughter has traits of ———, ———-, and is —— ———-.    She has been broken my heart.  I talk to her when she calls but have to keep my guard up.   She can be so ——- and ———.

My youngest son is sweet, kind and has many good things about him.

I gave so much energy into being a good mom and wife.  

If I could do over again…..

Marriage invokes sticking it out from the good times and bad.  The bad parts can be really rough and the good stuff may not be worth the price you pay with your time, energy and the best years of your life.

If you are single and don’t have children, remember to appreciate what you have going for you! Marriage can be like a rose 🌹 garden, it looks pretty but has thorns.   I am saying it this in a “happy” marriage.   It looks good from the outside looking in.    I am being honest and wish someone would of told me how life can unfold! 

Tomorrow is Labor Day, our sons “———“significant other isn’t invited over, our daughter isn’t coming home to visit and that is the reality.  

We haven’t even met daughters significant other dating person male person.

Youngest son is sweet and kind and has many good traits.  

It is disappointing how life turned out at the stage I was looking forward to so much.  

Thanks for letting me share! 

Lacey 🌸

 

 

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