I find that most of the time people get you help not to really help you, but to ease their conscious. It's easier to say "Hey well I tired" than to accept that they were a part of the problem anyway. My story starts so many years ago. If I am not normal then I don't know what it is to be normal because I have felt this way all of my life. Recently ( 3 months ago) I got married. Although I was not totally okay with not having a wedding, I was okay enuoght to get married. I was marrying the man I loved and that made it okay. The day was spent with him looking for a "lady friend" that worked at the courthouse. I knew nothing about this friend…and wondered just how friendly they once were. He even went so far as to suggest that she be a witness of our ceromony, Which later turned out to her performing it. She giggled her way through our vows, mispronounced my name and over all was just very unprofessional. My now "husband" didnt see where this was a big deal and proceeeded to get into a converstion with her while I waited on the side….seconds after we said our "i do's". My depression was present before him, but has jumped in high gear after that day. He doesnt understand the significance of that day. his response is often "hey we're married…what more do u want" I spend hours in bed. I spend the rest of the time on the computer. Any attempt to get me better usually is a result to making themselves feel better about the situation. As usual I have to silence my thoughts and shut down my feelings because in my world noone really cares how I feel and whats going on with me as long as I make them feel okay then its a good day, but never a good day for me.

1 Comment
  1. Mcksnug 12 years ago

    mellownc, from reading your blog, it doesn't seem that your new husband is taking your feelings into account. The fact that he said, "Hey we're married…what more do you want?" I get the feeling he is really saying "Hey, you got me and it doesn't matter what you think."  If you have discussed this issue with him and he still can't seem to understand why you feel the way you do, what will happen in the future? Please, talk to him. I hope you feel better.

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