I feel like my life is broken..
No matter how hard I work to fix it, there's always another part that breaks. It's an endless circle.
I'm finding it even more difficult to get out of bed again.. And eat..
Everything hurts. Like I have bruises on every part of my body..
My sister's idiot guy is leaving next Saturday. I don't care why, I'm just glad he'll be gone soon.
My sister's upset about it, and it's like she expects me to feel bad for her. Fuck no. I won't. I don't want to hear a single word about how much she misses him, and if she's feeling depressed about it all. Even if she's suicidal. I know it sounds harsh, considering the fact that I know how much it hurts to be alone and deal with that. But she didn't give a damn about me hating life while he was here. She didn't care to help me, she didn't care to make things tolerable for me, she called me crazy and said I seriously needed help because I was losing my mind, and I'm "too dependent" on her. She did nothing for me. So why should I give a damn about her? I know this might sound bad, but she deserves to know that low feeling. She really does. I'm not encouraging it, but I refuse to help.
Even though he'll be gone soon, I don't feel any better.
As time gets closer, my sister will completely block me out so she can be with him. And I'll have to deal with her fucking hormones again. I don't look forward to all that.
And I can't even afford to be in a good mood right now.. I missed two exams this week.. My grades are horrible..
Ihave to get them up, work on getting my physical therapy, look for a job, keep my grades up, and work at finding joy in my life again.. I don't look forward to this either..
I have to fix everything I broke in my life.. And it's forcing me to break it all, all over again.