Why do I have to feel as if I am alone with depression? I woke up today and didn't want to face another day of feeling worthlessness. If it wasn't for my deep faith in God, I probably would not have woken up at all. Every day I pray to be released from the claws of depression and anxiety and am still dealing with it. I have a Dr. who is afraid to have me try new meds because I've had so many side effects from the past ones but there is so many out there that I feel one has to work for me. But she keeps putting it off month after month. This month I celebrate my 10 days in the psych ward and am so depressed just thinking about what I went through. I don't think the darkness of winter is helping any either. She doesn't seem to get it? I am looking for a new doctor that will listen to me instead of looking at me quizzically like I have 2 heads. So tired, so sad, so fed up with dealing with this depression. I need to find myself again but don't know where along the road I got lost? I think when I had to leave my job and go on disability (ironically not for depression and anxiety because I drank them away while I worked) but for health reasons. I, now, struggle with self identity. I've worked hard all my life and now I've hit a brick wall and can't get over it. I've banged my head against it many times but cannot find a way over it. I want to smell the roses again. I want to get up in the morning knowing I have something to give to society. I want to feel normal and not like a psycho freak. Thank you for anyone who has read this and can empathize with me. I know I am not alone out there but i wander around at times looking at people and wondering who is taking meds? Are they sad or reallly happy? I used to be……please help me for I feel I am sinking so slowly.