Well after the break up of my b/f I made some decisions that would change my life for the better and was so excited about it I thought I would actually do  better and maybe the depression would ease up now BUT after discussing my plans I find out I can't do what I'd planned at all and now I'm stuck where I don't want to be.  I need out of here, I need to be doing something to improve my life but each time I think of a way my bubble gets popped.

I got up early this morning to wait for the baby to come for me to watch today and all I can think of is let me go back to bed I don't want to face life today, I can't but I have to.  I go thru the motions but there is no feeling inside, no nothing.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I keep thinking about how good things would have been had I been able to move out of here and help my sick parents and save some money for a car and my own place to live but it's been shot down or rather slammed to the ground is what it feels like.  Isn't there an answer for me?  Why can't things go my way for once in my life?  Just once?  The depression has come back with a vengence, I don't talk to anyone, can't stand to be around anyone and the babies, oh the babies I should be playing with and enjoying, I can't just do what has to be done and that's it.

In my living situation now I'm being taken advantage of so badly.  There is nothing I can do for me because I have no ME time at all.  I can't get out of the house cause I'm stuck here watching the babies all day and night so when can I have something I need?  I've talked till I'm blue in the face about this situation and all I hear is I don't know what to tell you.  Thanks a lot is what I think.  I guess I should feel lucky I do have a place to live, food to eat and able to have my grandbabies with me but I don't feel that way.  I feel like I'm being punished for wanting something good but there's always strings attached to bring me down and stomped on.  I feel worthless, deceived and thrown to the wolves.  What do I do?