Well here we go again, I dunno what to say. I think shes getting layed right now and I makes me feel like shit. Emma was all I really had in this city, now that I don’t have her—im lost and alone.
Well I don’t know about lost, but I’m most definitely alone. Its really a sickening feeling and I can feel it bearing down on me. God, can I go through all of this again.
What I really need is a solid group of friends. I don’t think I do terribly well by myself, I’m a lot like brian in that regard. I’ll pretty much chill until somebody drags me out, if no one comes, then I’ll just keep chilling.
On the one hand I’m happy that I’m free to find someone Im really compatible with, but does that out weigh my loneliness? It should, but I don’t think it does.
If that’s the case, would getting back together with her be wrong? Would I be doing her an injustice?
Its hard to say, a lot of the problems that we faced in the relationship had to do with her feeling rushed. And she implys that we may get back together because of said facts. This is probably just smoke and mirrors, I’m sure she’ll find some sexy guy that really pleases her.
Maybe I should move back to new jersey.
But what about Hannah and mirage? Can they be weighed into my decision? They probably shouldn’t… god I love those kids. What a mistake. Fucking Christ, those poor children. I hope she changes. I want to drink, I want to forget about all of this. I want to scream, I want to cry but can come out except fumbled words and fragmented feelings.
Love is a fucking bitch. I’m famished but I’m not hungry, I’ve only eaten a turkey sandwich all day today—not nearly enough to sustain me for an entire day of work. I’m going to start losing weight again. Fuck.
God why cant this be easier. Maybe I should just forget about her completely. Is she a source of pain? At this moment, definitely yes. But man, she can be so loving and it makes me feel so complete.
Maybe that’s the problem, maybe someone else shouldn’t complete me. That should come from with in.