The difference with how I deal with depression then and now.

Then –

I was young and naive and was surrounded by idiots at school… to be fair they acted like idiots to get through the day because no one likes school really, it's an awkward place to be especially as you're growing up and everyone feels awkward about themselves so they put up walls. I think you're more vulnerable because of this because when I was being bullied it pushed me over the edge, I did proper self harm and I thought of suicide frequently.

Now –
Well I am aware of mental health more in general, I know there are others out there who I can talk to and it is more common than you would think, I know that there is many things you can do to help aswell whether it be medication, talking or whatever else is out there. When you get older you know yourself more and you know what your limits are. For instance there is many things I need to do with my life right now but I know what I must focus on rather than doing everything because otherwise I may start having panic attacks over it. I am easily stressed.
In short it has been over a year now since my mum passed away and only recently have I started having the most graphic suicidal thoughts but because I've come this far I still feel strong somehow, it is hard to put into words. I don't self harm, at least not in the typical way of cutting but I do have the annoying habit of Dermatillomania (scatching skin) and so have more scars than my cuts from years ago.

Just a quick entry for now since I am ill and have sinus pains from hell but a little bored and just wanted to type some of my thoughts out. I have so much I want to blog about but just don't feel up to it right now.

1 Comment
  1. azmera 9 years ago

    i understand completely how you feel, i was diagnosed (dislike that word lol) with depression bipolar and ptsd at 13. im 23 now, and i couldnt even pretend to understand what it all ment when i was young, i was a cutter until i was 19 or so and was suffering from "depressive black outs" basically id black out hurt myself and have no memory of doing it. now i can look back and realize i could have done things differently and had a better out come. how do you deal with your panic attacks? i force my self to count things just to give me a reason to focus really hard on something else. like how many tiles are on the floor, pills in a bottle excetra. **hug** because everyone needs one at some point


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