I started work and college this week. College is fine but I’m seriously effing up work, and I’ve only worked three times. First day was fine. Second day I was not scheduled to work, and was not supposed to ever work those days until after 5:30 because I am at school, and he called me right as I got out of a class and was like “HI BE HERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, K?” so i managed to get there at 4:30, when he wanted me at 4. but he wasn’t mad. we were pricing that day and he was opening all the packages and handing me the individual things to be priced. and one of the things he didnt unwrap and i didnt realize, so i priced it wrong. we fixed it before it did any damage but he was really mad. and today i was supposed to work at 12, and i woke up at 10 feeling REALLY nauseous. and i decided if i didnt feel well enough to be sure i wouldnt puke in the store, id call off at 11:45. but i was trying not to do that because i didnt want him to think i was a bad worker. i started to feel better around 11:50, so i hurried up and got dressed and ran out the door at like 12:03. the store is less than a block away, so i was only going to be a few minutes late. but my 3 minutes, plus travel time, plus the difference in our clocks made me 10 minutes late by my bosses watch. and i got there, and he was all WHY DIDNT YOU CALL BLAAAH THAT WAS ALL YOU HAD TO DO. and i figured it was silly to call just to say id be 4 or 5 minutes late, ive never had a job before, i figured it wouldnt be a monster of a big deal as long as it wasnt habitual. i was just trying to get in to work today. and he said it’s company policy to fire someone the first time they are over 9 minutes late, but he’d let me off this time since i have a good reference from my sister, and just sent me home to teach me a lesson about respect. so ive been at home all day feeling like a fucking loser failure, and he yelled at me in front of coworkers so im horribly embarassed tomorrow and dont want to go in. and now im afraid ill be sick again tomorrow and have to call off to avoid repeating today, and if i do i think he’ll just fire me. and my response to anxiety is nausea, so now its twice as likely ill be sick.

id also like to point out that ive been officially employed there a week and a half, still have no schedule (so i just have to wait for him to call me every day to come in or else i dont know when i work), have no idea when, how much, or how often i get paid, and have not been told of ANY company policies whatsoever much less one that gets me instantly fired on my third day.

i feel so incompetant. getting a job was so empowering for me to think that i could do something myself, and now this. i cant be as perfect as keith demands me to be. 🙁

and college isnt that fine, i think i may need to drop my math class. it’s intermediate algebra, and its meant to be a review of high school math only slightly more difficult. and i wanted to take it because this was all the stuff i partially learned in high school but never fully got, but ive had two assignments and have already needed to enlist tutors to help me. i need near perfect grades or i wont be able to transfer, and im afraid the rest of the class will be too much if the first two assignments were this hard.

i dont know. im having a terrible week. i keep waking up nauseous, i think from sinus drainage during the night from allergies, but it made me miss my second math class. i couldnt drive my dad to work at 6am so i didnt have a ride to school til 12, an hour after math ended.

i have been able to think nothing all day but “FAILURE.”

and i am DREADING work tomorrow. i am so humiliated. i tried to do what i was supposed to. i tried so hard to be well enough to come in just so he wouldnt think i was a bad worker, and now he and all my coworkers think im lazy and disrespectful. i cry just thinking about it.

and my fucking phone fell off my desk, cradle and all, when i was lying on my floor sick and now i have a black eye.:(