So….today my sister moved out to live with her bf. She has lived with me for a long time but she finally, after many failed attempts, has her own place. I’ve seen her new flat and helped her move in today. It’s a very nice place and I’m really happy for her, but I’m still sad to see her go. House seems really empty without her and although we didn’t get on all the time she was still my little sis and I care about her a great deal.
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This all comes after a week of mixed crap. On the 23rd August my younger and older sister’s final began clearing my mother’s room of her things. She died 2 years ago in October and we just haven’t been able to deal with it until now. It is the final task so we all hid from it for a long time. My mum had a lot of stuff and a lot of it didn’t mean anything so my sisters went through it all, kept the significant items and sent the rest to the charity shops. I wasn’t able to be there as I had a volunteer commitment with a foster child that I could not skip, but I trusted them to be considerate with my own, as well as my fathers, feelings. They did a great job and my mum would be proud of them. Then my dad turned up and just sorta said nothing. They asked him to take 3 bags to the charity shop but that night he looked through them. He rand my younger sister really pissed at her and guilting her for being so careless with my mums things, which made her really upset as she had tried her best and I think did a great job. He almost immediately rang her back to apologise but I was furious with him. They had given him every opportunity to be there and he passed up the chance every time, only to criticise his daughter’s efforts. I realise he is hurting to, but still.
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So then after all that issue, my dad went back up to his place of work. His bosses are not very nice and had been pushing him for a while so day before yesterday they pushed too hard and he quit. Now I’m happy he is out of it cos it was killing him slowly in that job but…the problem is….he has dept to pay off and no money coming in to pay them with…so his plan is to sell his house (he was staying in accommodation provided by his job. His house is separate. he cant really afford to run it and he wants a smaller place) pay off his dept, get a smaller place and get a new job (he works with gardens so work is dry in the winter) trouble is….I live in the house he wants to sell…I’ve been living here for the last 3 years he’s had the job and I pay for most of the bills, the deal being I look after the place and I get it rent free, an ideal situation as I’ve dedicated myself to volunteering for the mo and am not working. With the house now going to be sold very soon….I’m in a bit of a spot….I have no where set up to go to, no real paid work at the mo, and only a few weeks to get it all sorted. I’m scared. Really really scared. I haven’t slept the last few nights. My sis sent me a text saying “don’t worry; we will always have each other. And u can sleep on my couch if u have to” made me cry….I’m losing my home and my mums home as well in one swoop. I know ill prob be ok but at the mo…I’m just terrified and feel very much on the edge for the first time in ages….just feel like letting go.
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