I have a question to whomever has dealt with this, today has possibly been the worst day out of them all, actually it has. The obsessive thoughts, i sometimes wonder how they work. but does anyone ever feel like the bad has more power than the good? I can tell myself over and over again that its just the ocd, im a good person but its like theres nothing there, and sometimes i feel like i can catch the intrusive thought before it comes out. it started today with the thoughts. the phrases saying that you are a bad person, your a damm &*(*er. those symbols represent the very bad 4 letter k word that i have a phobia of. i tend to pick up on other peoples convos to. like what if i am that person what if i would be a sick person and not hate it. and its almost like i can see the what if's and why's but they get erased before they get to the thought so its just you are or you wanna. even as im typing this now im disgusted. but i cant help picking up on it. those phrases go through my head nonstop and granted it is annoying, but the anxiety isnt there at first which leads to my thoughts trying to convince me further that thats who i am. like the good guy i am never existed and it just persists on driving me further into insanity. i cant see my future, i dont think of risks its absolutely annoying me and frankly scaring me. I tell myself that i cant believe this is even real. ive never thought of this before and it just doesnt seem real. thats another thing that scares me. I really need some help from people who have dealt with this please. and coping skills or anything. im willing to make this go away atleast alittle bit. I dont have a violent history, I have had anger issues in the past but never acted out on anyone. i feel like im slowly fading away

2 Comments
  1. hondaracr 9 years ago

    Matthew u can't thank you enough for the tips, massive help if you ever wanna talk just let me know

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  2. rainingoctober 9 years ago

    I used to have the biggest phobia of that word, and then something in me just clicked, and I realized (by having to tell myself this) that, it's just a word. Just some letters, put together, with a meaning we as humans assigned to it. The word itself isn't harming me, but my very own feelings and emotions are!

    It's a tough situation, never easy. You are a good person. Bad people never have feedback from others saying they are good. =)

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