I've only been on this site for about a week and already I've twice seen the refrain "I wish I were dead" or it's variant "I sometimes think I'd be better off if I dropped dead".

I realize the majority of you have heard this at least, oh, a gajillion times (That's right. I arbitrarily concoct my own numbers to make a point. That's how I roll) from friends, family, clergy, therapists and whoever else over the years, but allow me to reinforce the notion just one more time ..you're not better off dead.

One of my favorite graphic novels is the classic Watchmen. I also loved the film adaptation. In both, the only actual superpowered being in the story – Dr.Manhattan- makes a valid point about thermodynamic miracles in nature. Essentially, he akcnowledges that the birth of his girlfreind was in itself the thermodynamic miracle: It's the event that proves life is worth preserving because it happens against all odds in circumstances and ways it shouldn't be happening at all. In this instance, the fact that her parents- two people who had no business falling in love -would produce from their union a girl who would grow up to develop her precise , unique personality is against all of the odds of the universe.

It may seem as if I'm being superficial and slight about this, but I'm not. I'm entirely serious. This is a superb bit of wisdom. That it originates from the pages of a graphic novel is irrelevant. Each of us should remember this whenever we feel that it's too much to deal with and that death would be preferable: The fact that you were born, the fact that you exist right now as you are, no matter how much of a struggle it may be, is in and of itself a miracle. You represent a triumph over  universal odds. That those of you reading this have likely defied the natural, instinctive tendency to surrender to an illness and overcame or at least controlled your particular condition long enough to reach maturity, enter a website like this and interact in an akcnwoledgement that you need a support community makes you even more of a miracle. It would be a damned shame to throw someone so amazing away in a moment of grief.

I know it can be hard, even nightmarish. I know that. I've been there. I still get back there every so often. It's rough and , unfortunately, the reality is that for many of us it may be our collective road to hoe for the forseeable future. But think of it this way- not only are you stronger and more miraculous by nature every day you're still breathing and making a positive go of living life, you're setting an example for anyone else who's experiencing what you have. You're showing them by your nature that it can be surived, that it can be dealt with.

You're better of alive. All of you. All of us. And the world is better for having so many living miracles in it.


  1. KylaRose21 8 years ago

    This is beautiful. Thanks!

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  2. steelcitygirl 8 years ago

    Beatifully said. I actually cried reading this. Thank you for sharing this–although I have never thought I would be better off dead, there have been many times that I (I've said this a billion times on thsi site) didn't want to die but was too afraid to live. I hear all the time that those of us this disease or likewise are so much stronger than we think. I think weaker people would give up, would give in, but we were dealt this hand for a reason. We can truly be an inspiration to ourselves and others—you certainly have inspired me.

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  3. DS 8 years ago

    Thank you both for the kind words. Glad to hear the post was so helpful! I try to be positive. :}

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