Hello all.  I need someone to help me, someone to talk to the most, but also to mentor me and  guide me through this time that seems to have gotten even Darker lately, today, 3/1/08 , especially.   I've just got this weird feeling inside of me, especially in my head and neck area down to my collar bone.  It's not really aense of impending doom for anyonelse or anything else around me.  It's just sorta like if I don't  have someone to talk to,  or maybe even if I do,  that  it'll be the End of me.  Now,  I  know  that killing myself won't really solve anything,   in fact it'll make things worse,  but I  keep trying to get better,  I mean I think I'm trying  to get better,  but I don't understand then why nothing seems to be getting better.   What am I doing wrong?   It seems like even when I try to do right and help myself,  that things either stay the same, or just get worse.   I'm  always  arguing with my father because part of my OCD  involves asking a  extended series of questions several times a day.  The questions usually consists of "  Did I touch you when (  you came over by the couch,  threw something away under your computer desk,  walked back and forth past my bedroom, etc. ) or I touch you when ( repeat of the first items in question ),  or did I touch you or anything you picked up off the floor or ground I mean (  I don 't like using just the word floor it's a " bad "  word to me, or more accurately , a " bad " word to my OCD.  Then  I have to say :  or did anyone or anything touch anyone or anything else earlier then or ealier at all, or just now,  or at all  today I mean ? "   And at some point in asking all that  I usually get tripped up over my own  words,  or  I'm  reciting so fast so  that  my father,  and mom,  although not as often with her,  don't stop listening that  I forget what parts  of  my question  I've already asked   and  I have to go back and ask all or most often just parts of it again.  I get such anxiety,  sometimes just in anticipating asking the question,  but most often  if  I don't ask the question,  that    I can't  do anything until the question is answered.    Does anyone else do this, or something   very similar to it ,  and  if so,  to you have any advive , or support for me on how you deal with it,  thast might be helpful to me ?   If you do, or even if you don't,  I would like to talk to you, please.    I'm not on-line very often, because this is my father's computer,  and he  only let's me use it about once a week,  and lately  I've been staying off of it for 13 – 17 days in a row, just to avoid the arguments with him, and the arguments that start between him and my mom,  when  I ask to get on his coimputer,  it's just easier to not ask,  but  I'll try to respond to your questions, comments,  and answers as soon as  I can.  

Thanks

3 Comments
  1. Nawna 15 years ago

    I have ADD as well as OCD & I catch myself asking the same questions or & over again the same day. when I start talking I don't always think about what I am going to say so my brain works too fast & I catch myself stumbling over my own words & if I get interrupted I'd have to start over because I loss myself in whatever I was saying. I would collect my thoughts first & think of everything I would say & it makes it easier for me to speak without repeating as much as I used to. I also question my actions, lately I've been obsessed with asking my man if he locked the door when we left the house even though I was there with him when he locked it. I don't know why I do this but I do. I hoped I helped some what? if there's anything you want to ask me or talk to me about feel free to drop a line.                  

    take care, Nawna

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  2. bluebuddha 15 years ago

    -I'm sorry your having such a hard time right now. But remember it will pass. Are you seeing a Dr. or taking any medication? If not, consider it. It helps many of us. Let me know if I can help. Be well.

    Blue

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  3. OCDKara 15 years ago

    hope things are going better for you since you wrote this blog.

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