Hello all. I need someone to help me, someone to talk to the most, but also to mentor me and guide me through this time that seems to have gotten even Darker lately, today, 3/1/08 , especially. I've just got this weird feeling inside of me, especially in my head and neck area down to my collar bone. It's not really aense of impending doom for anyonelse or anything else around me. It's just sorta like if I don't have someone to talk to, or maybe even if I do, that it'll be the End of me. Now, I know that killing myself won't really solve anything, in fact it'll make things worse, but I keep trying to get better, I mean I think I'm trying to get better, but I don't understand then why nothing seems to be getting better. What am I doing wrong? It seems like even when I try to do right and help myself, that things either stay the same, or just get worse. I'm always arguing with my father because part of my OCD involves asking a extended series of questions several times a day. The questions usually consists of " Did I touch you when ( you came over by the couch, threw something away under your computer desk, walked back and forth past my bedroom, etc. ) or I touch you when ( repeat of the first items in question ), or did I touch you or anything you picked up off the floor or ground I mean ( I don 't like using just the word floor it's a " bad " word to me, or more accurately , a " bad " word to my OCD. Then I have to say : or did anyone or anything touch anyone or anything else earlier then or ealier at all, or just now, or at all today I mean ? " And at some point in asking all that I usually get tripped up over my own words, or I'm reciting so fast so that my father, and mom, although not as often with her, don't stop listening that I forget what parts of my question I've already asked and I have to go back and ask all or most often just parts of it again. I get such anxiety, sometimes just in anticipating asking the question, but most often if I don't ask the question, that I can't do anything until the question is answered. Does anyone else do this, or something very similar to it , and if so, to you have any advive , or support for me on how you deal with it, thast might be helpful to me ? If you do, or even if you don't, I would like to talk to you, please. I'm not on-line very often, because this is my father's computer, and he only let's me use it about once a week, and lately I've been staying off of it for 13 – 17 days in a row, just to avoid the arguments with him, and the arguments that start between him and my mom, when I ask to get on his coimputer, it's just easier to not ask, but I'll try to respond to your questions, comments, and answers as soon as I can.