…gonna try and see if this one stays put, this time…i’m getting really tired of typing and accidentally erasing what i’ve written, lately.
“Life” has been a huge struggle, lately. No, it’s really nothing new, per say, but at the same time, it feels more and more like i am going to simply give in to the urges. i’ve felt even more desperate, lately, and have begun therapy, yet again. i have also conveyed to my therapist the severity of what’s really going on and how much i loathe myself. Of course, she has to check, each session. i’ve been using food negatively, again–almost as a crutch?–but moreso, another way to hurt myself, without being so obvious. i’ve spent all my available funds, and i also started selling items that have meant a LOT to me, for a long time, now. But, that’s OK–just materialistic in nature. i still have a few sentimental items, so i’ve not lost everything, yet.
“Florence” definitely left her mark on the area, but people have also done a LOT of clean-up. We have been blessed, though, since the hurricane’s impact didn’t affect us directly.
i haven’t been to any meetings for myself–like Al Anon or Nar Anon, for more than a couple of months, now, but i still attend some meetings with my partner/boyfriend, every week or two. i don’t know HOW MUCH they’re helping–if any–but, i have to do something….*sigh So tired of carrying these loads…. (They’re leading to a lot more physical pain, again. 🙁 )
Since i really don’t know what’s going on with my grandson’s life, right now, i’ve not hopped on a bus and just shown up there. i know his father has been in trouble–August was the last date i saw, so far, as far as new charges against him–again, drug-related. *sigh But, the “responsible” adult in the household has not been answering my texts or messages.
Just because i’ve “survived,” it doesn’t mean i’ve lived!!! i am just me…nothing great nor newsworthy. i am a simple, caring, sensitive woman who’s experienced some true nastiness from other people, as well as seen some true goodness. Hope…. *sigh Believe….i have to believe my life can improve and change at least some. Otherwise, wth am i doing here, still living????? especially when there are so many who have lost and continue to lose their lives???? This life seems like a waste, most of the time, so it NEEDS to change!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, i know some things are changing–daily. But, at the same time, so much seems to remain unchanged. i AM grateful my partner/bf has finally gotten a job, and i’m hoping that extra help will make a difference!!!
So much evil’s present in the world…every day. *sigh Does it ever get any easier or better????