Yesterday I was on the phone with G and he was really laying into me about how High maintainance I was etc and that he didn't want me restricting him etc and I was really upset.. I went to see him as usual today and when I asked if he mean't what he said, he told me that he wasn't in the mood  because he had heard about his bloods and it turns out that he has a CD4 count under 200. I can't remember the exact figure its about 50 under 200. I am so worried and he is acting really odd.

He told me that I only ever see the fluffy side of him but that underneath he is a seething mass of anger and bitterness and that he doesn't want anyone at his funeral cos no one gave a jot about him in his life. (Words to that effect)

At the moment he is on something called Doxycycline which I am guessing is for an infection? He is also going on something which I really can't remember the name of (sorry its a bit of a blur) but I know it had a V and an X in it.

His next app is next tuesday…. I just feel so helpless – I just love him so much and it just feels so crap when I tell him that cos there is nothing I can do even though I would move heaven and earth for him if I could, he only answers 'yes' when I say I love you anyway and then I feel like crap.

Does anyone know what I can do? I just love him you know and it breaks my heart to hear him so angry and giving up.

I'm so sorry for coming over like this – I know it makes me sound ott probably doesn't it? Sorry about that. I just feel abit lost.

2 Comments
  1. TravelingMan1966 10 years ago

    Each person has a good point on this.. I have had this for 20 years and i still deal with the anger and depression of having to deal with this neat litlle gift that we have.. Your doing fine lexi.. dont change .. deb.. why cant i meet someone like you lol.. and xk.. have a good weekend brother

    trippppy cal

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  2. lexie69 10 years ago

    Thankyou everybody so much for your views – they have made me see things much clearer and thankyou for being so open and honest.

    He was great again today and is going to see his healthcare proffessional next tuesday so I will update then/

    Yes, I think I am maybe too fluffy for him lol!! Adam – your words have echoed the way I feel so I know where you are coming from and to everyone else – I am going to try to be less 'everythings going to be ok – lets have some fun' which is my usual self and just listen to the way he feels instead – let him ride out his feelings.

    I love you guys!! :0)

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