Yesterday I was on the phone with G and he was really laying into me about how High maintainance I was etc and that he didn't want me restricting him etc and I was really upset.. I went to see him as usual today and when I asked if he mean't what he said, he told me that he wasn't in the mood because he had heard about his bloods and it turns out that he has a CD4 count under 200. I can't remember the exact figure its about 50 under 200. I am so worried and he is acting really odd.
He told me that I only ever see the fluffy side of him but that underneath he is a seething mass of anger and bitterness and that he doesn't want anyone at his funeral cos no one gave a jot about him in his life. (Words to that effect)
At the moment he is on something called Doxycycline which I am guessing is for an infection? He is also going on something which I really can't remember the name of (sorry its a bit of a blur) but I know it had a V and an X in it.
His next app is next tuesday…. I just feel so helpless – I just love him so much and it just feels so crap when I tell him that cos there is nothing I can do even though I would move heaven and earth for him if I could, he only answers 'yes' when I say I love you anyway and then I feel like crap.
Does anyone know what I can do? I just love him you know and it breaks my heart to hear him so angry and giving up.
I'm so sorry for coming over like this – I know it makes me sound ott probably doesn't it? Sorry about that. I just feel abit lost.