"LOSING LAURA: Just recently "lost" another single female friend to "relationshipism"(ie she found herself a boyfriend)–saddened–selfishly so that this inevitably means that the Law of Insignificance is about to be applied to me again! But seriously, Laura has been a good friend…a fun person to hang out with, and very smart–someone that makes you feel like your IQ level automatically goes up just by being friends with her. But this has a history of happening(and nevermind MY perpetually frustrating inability to be involved in a serious relationship of my own–we'll save that for another blog another day. Let's just say for now that my past attempts at serious relationships have met with disastrous results, leading me to believe that I am more than likely destined to be "permanently single"), my being "pals" with a cool girl who is single who disappears off my radar once she finds a boyfriend…. so I'm preparing for that disappointing possibility again. And to make matters worse, met her new bf, and I got a bad vibe(hopefully just overreacting on my part) that he didn't like me too much.. Anyway, hope I haven't "lost" her…and if I have, hope it doesn't depress me…here's to you Laura, and to hoping you'll keep in touch….
DREAMS: Really getting tired of these crazy-ass dreams I keep having…They seem SO freaking real, even though whoever is in charge of wrting the scripts has some absolutely preposterous ideas and illogical concepts for the "plots" of these things….I mean, I know everyone has ridiculous things that happen in dreams that would never happen in real life…but seriously, mine make no sense WHATSOEVER, much more so than the average person, I'd be willing to bet…Talk to a dream interpreter u might suggest? Ha! I would drive a dream interpreter to retirement….and the worst part is that they feel so real to the point that I feel as if I'm not actually getting any sleep because I keep getting fooled into believing that it is really happening, and therefore, feeling like I am still "awake"….Sometimes they're fascinating entertainment I admit, sometimes they're scary; regardless, they're always weird….
THE RECENT HORRIFIC MASS MURDER IN COLORADO: Well, what can I say that millions of people haven't already said about it?…In a selfish way, it worries me that it can trigger it's own kind of deression in me(and i hope all my friends out there who battle severe depression–particulary those of you on Depressiontribe–are all doing alright in terms of handling this sickening tragedy)…for what little I can contribute to personally honor the victims who died as well as those who are still fighting for their lives, in spite of my being eager to see the new Batman movie myself, I am holding off for a week; no, not because I'm fearful that some psychopath might carry out a similar attack when I go see the movie–although I guess I can't take that possibility lightly now–but because it somehow won't feel "right" to see it knowing that people went to see it and died while doing so, if that makes any sense, and perhaps that's a very lame attempt to "honor" them, but it's the best I can do right now…..but, I'd also like to say this… (and it will be said with the utmost, sincere all-due respect to the victims and wounded of the tragic event in Colorado because I hope what I'm about to say doesn't come across as me not focusing on what is really important) The movie theater: Once an innocent "home away from" home" for some people(like me), a sanctuary symbolic of escapism from the harsh realities of the Real World(with the possible exception of the occasional independent film that might be steeped in "realism"), a sanctuary robbed of its innocence(as well as its feeling of being a "safe" place to go, literally and figuratively speaking) and forever tarnished thanks to the horrific act of a psychotic lunatic. In that sense, truly one person has ruined it for all of us….
ANXIETIES OVER REGISTERING FOR CLASSES THIS WEEK: .Really, this preposterous "fear" or "phobia" or whatever it is about even so much as looking at a FAFSA form(it's an application to get financial assistance for school) based on hazy memories of it being confusing and frustrating to fill out when I first tried to do so a few years ago, well, it's got to stop, and SOON might I add becaue I'm supposed to meet with Linda to register for classes this Wednesday; Not only do I need to get over this, but I need to look at it as selfish of me if I don't even at least TRY to fill it out on the off-chance that I'll be approved for it therefore not needing to rely on my Dad to pay for my classes…also need to overcome fear of even OPENING the letter from Voc Rehab that will let me know if they decided to help me pay for schooling or not–okay, they probably decided not to, but so what? Didn't I already convince myself at the time when I was told to see if they might be able to help that they more than likely would decide not to do so?...Also, need to overcome my fear of even so much as LOOKING to see what the tuition for classes will be, seeing as I obviously will need to know, by, uh, WEDNESDAY, when I plan on registering!!!(thinking of postponing my appointment on Wednsday due to all of these fears–perhaps I need to look at it as, if I do that, I will be letting the fear "win")…Lastly regarding this topic, there's this question I need to ask and answer of myself: If I end up deciding just to take only a PE course for the upcoming semester( it actually IS a requisite class that I have not taken and need to take in order for me to fullfill one of my requirements for finally obtaining a degree in general education), will that be satisfactory to me for now? I mean, is it okay for now?……Or, will I beat myself up over it thinking that it must mean I'm afraid to face the "real" classes(a biology course and a College Algebra course that I have taken several times previously and dropped each time before I was on the verge of failing it) and/or that it must mean that I'm not ready or willing to make the effort to suceed in those classes?….