well ill continue from yesterday.

Ive found my world has become a rollercoaster ride, with many ups and downs. it has been both the best and worst year of my life, just so eventful. Aside from the shae of drama thaive hd with my fiance, which was alot, love triangle, interesting story, maybe ill write about it some other time, ive had problems at home as well. for instance now, ive leanred that all of the money my father had in the bank is gone(i live with him and that is my source of income, hence the importance)  it has been squandered away, fullfiling my fathers habits, drug and alchohol abuse. 40 grand cant be spent so quickly with out rent to pay, we liv wth a relative. but to get to the point, i am officially broke, now ive had self worth issues for sometime, but that just made me hit rock bottom. Im happy to know that my Fiancee is true to me and moeny isnt the object of our love, as she is living with a friend, and im living at home, shes also unemployed and we have no bills to worry about…yet. i know i will have work soon and with that be self sufficient and my troubles will be less once im employed but for now, im at a loss. ive never truely been poor, and knowing that i am now, its jut such a kick to the face. i am happy that we have relatives that we live wth who are helping us out so food and livingis no problem.

But just living below the poverty line, its not good, i live in a garage i share that with my father. which on its own causes me to stress. i had a room before, and now that is gone, ive no privacy. and my father, hes so hypocritical, i cant be my normal self here im yelled at everymorning just cuz he cant find his keys to take my sister to school, with that, he puts me down tells me im worthless and that i dont try to do anything with my life, which is a complete lie. for the past 6 months ive been out lookig for work, with no luck thus far. which is in part my fault for i didnt graduate. however, my dad isnt gelping with that either, ive asked multiple times for mney to take the ged test, a ride to the dmv, and when i ask he says yes, but when the day comes, hes too tired, or he wants to go out by himself.

At least i know once i obtain my ged i have multiple jobs to choose from , with mderate pay, my fathers friend is a foreman for a contracting company and has promised me work and thats a starting pay of 13.50, my other option is my aunts friend, he works for the pepsi company, starting at 12.50, so i have options for a careers.

another part of my father

he played football his whole life. as did i, but hes a fanatic about it, and i, i just dont rally care for the sport, im good at it, in fact great at it, but a knee injury cn make you lose interest in it, apart from that, i never liked the attitude people have in the sport, theyre too cocky and egotistical, things that i am not. my father keeps pushing me to play even after ive told him that i dont care for the sport and do not want to play. he only wants it for him, so i can do what he failed to do, and possibly go to a division1 school and play, i do not want to do this. yet constantly i am bombarded by him, telling me to play, no, begging me. which i will not. all i want is a modest career, which i will find with his friend in construction, the company he works for is contracted by Disneyland and Kaiser permanente, so im ok with job security. and that is what i want to do i have other dreams yes, but i dont have the money to put myself thru college to  be a shrink. which ive finally realized is wha i want to be.

to be continued another day.
 

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